Tomorrow is the same as never

# Chapter 277

Tomorrow. That was her answer. This is a person who asks us for help every single time we see her. And we say yes every time. But since we always see her late in the evening and what she wants help with, exercise, happens in the morning, we call her the next day to go walking or biking or to the gym with us. Tomorrow is always the answer. Tomorrow is the same as never. I have been listening to the neighbor bemoan how she needs to lose 80 pounds for months and months and the answer is tomorrow?? Tomorrow never gets here, tomorrow never sees you moving, tomorrow won’t hold you accountable for what you do today, tomorrow is just an indirect sabotage to all your dreams.

Tomorrow never arrives. It is the ultimate procrastination word. But today is the only day you will ever have. Today is the day you are building the future you want to have. If you are not building today the future you want, you are tearing it down, a slow destruction perhaps but a destruction nevertheless. You cannot do otherwise. Time is a fulcrum and you are on one side of the fulcrum peak or the other. There is no stasis. You are never in neutral gear in life. Always building or always destroying, there is no neutral, it is always forward or reverse.

I would tell you to “decide!” and let it go at that, but you already have decided and you already made forward or reverse start its movement toward or away from the future you think you want. This is not easy to stop and think about how you are likely sabotaging yourself and then reverse a decision, to commitment to actions that will bring you the future you desire. This is damn hard work. But “tomorrow” can never be a part of your vocabulary again.

Paying all the taxes

# Chapter 276

The third loophole is super transparency from the beginning. Meaning, “if you insist that I pay the taxes on this rent, then it will be for the full amount of the rent or nothing.” And “I always tell the whole and complete truth” and “I won’t agree to a contract that doesn’t have total and completely accurate information on it.” And stuff like this. You don’t want to get pulled into collusion with those trying to skip out on their fair share of taxes. And in a third world context that is all too easy to do, because it is their normal. But honestly I think we make way way too much of these things as Westerners. When we are a room with eight people and you are the only one uncomfortable with the deceptive price rigging, then that should tell you something. And I know I know, you want to argue about this and defend your uber honesty, but I am about 1000% sure I can find other deceptive practices in your life. No one is this anally purely honest all the time. You are not!

So if you want to pay all the taxes, pay all the taxes.

The second loophole

# Chapter 275

Second loophole is, when a person is lying, it is not my responsibility to report them, out them or counter their claims. It is solely my responsibility to tell the truth. So when my landlord lies on his tax forms, and they ALL do, that is on him. I still make him sign a receipt each month time I pay the rent stating that he received xyz Euros from me and this covers the rent for April May and June. What he reports as his income is on him. And me knowing he is lying does not incur guilt on my part. And this one bothers people I know the most. And I tell them, “then YOU pay the proper tax on the rent monies”, and for some reason that always ends the conversation. Does that mean we are only concerned about telling the absolute truth when it doesn’t cost us anything? Lots to think about here.

These loopholes need a new name because the very word “loophole “ creates some problems, so perhaps we should call them “cultural mitigation factors and processes” or something like that. But I am convinced that me yelling and making a scene about what I determine as the truth in a culture, is far less effective a witness for Christ than me being above board in all that I personally do while keeping a warm relationship with all involved. Remember, God only moves at the speed of relationship.

Tell no lies

# Chapter 274

Bribes and income reporting and morality. This is huge dilemma for many International workers living overseas and when their culture really rubs against the local culture. This is generally very black and white kind of an issue when you are living in the USA. But when you are living in the rest of the world, these things are far more elastic and stretchable in local cultures and norms. If you live in a country where law rules, then you can afford to be back and white about these things, but if you live in a marginally law-abiding country, then your approach may have to intentionally have some loopholes in it.

First loophole, if an official person demands I pay something, then I pay it. I first learned this one in Russia. Every policeman that stopped my YAZ, made up some infraction, Every. Single. Time. For all the years I lived there. I could make you laugh for hours with some of the infractions I paid fines for over the years. Other missionaries felt like these were bribes and they would sit on the roadside for hours and hours because of their resistance to paying these “fines”. That they weren’t legit wasn’t in question. Heck even the police can’t keep a straight face when fining you for “muddy chassis” in a country where your chassis is muddy all the time. But as my policeman buddy told me, when you haven’t been paid your wages in two years, this is the only way to feed your family. I told no lies and I refuse to spend my time trying to make them tell the truth.

Debates

# Chapter 272

Debate time for my wife is breakfast time. The only thing I can do at that hour is grunt and snort. I am not a morning person, not for conversation at least. Talking requires too much from me and I honestly can’t give it. It is hands down the most difficult part of every day when I am visiting my dad, because he is talking full steam ahead. Thankfully he doesn’t really require an answer like my wife does. Answers are optional with my dad, his is more a monologue, but not with Brenda. She wants input, debate and discussion. Not a chance. There is simply not that within me.

At lunch? Oh yeah I am totally up for all the conversation you can handle and more. I can debate the feathers off a chicken at lunch. Unfortunately my lovely wife is often and typically distracted by many other matters by the time lunch comes and so debates are rare in the middle of the day. Plus we often have guests and they might not understand the discussion since it is frequently about some esoteric something or other than Brenda wants to tangle about.

What can you do when you are internally on such a different functional schedule than your dearly beloved? I am not sure. This morning made me very uncomfortable as I very nearly had to ignore her to finally stem the endless rolling waves of questions and baiting and debate, and she finally relented. Not only can I not talk and debate early in the morning, but I can’t govern my emotions very well either. Both are disastrous for civil conversation.

Move the mountain

# Chapter 271

Few want to carry the stones. Most want to take credit for moving the mountain. But carrying the stones is exactly how mountains get moved. One stone at a time, this is how we move mountains. Consistency and persistence are your right arm and your left arm. Resilience and grit are your left foot and right. This is how we change big and small things. This is how we enforce our will upon the world and make our impact. This is how we succeed, one stone at a time. Unless you are herculean in your strength and stamina and you can carry two or three or ten. But most people are wise enough to understand how to move the mountain are also humble enough to know that they can only carry one stone at a time. Especially since this is a long game not a quick one. We will be carrying stones for a while.

Some may feel stone carrying is beneath their station in life and not a good use of their time and resources, but there are relational and emotional and life credits you get for carrying stones. You need to see others carrying stones and they you. There is a true sense of solidarity for stone carriers and there is only one way to be a stone carrier - move the mountain.

Different temperatures

Chapter 270

Here it is May and the temps is still in the 30’s this morning! Here I sit at the breakfast table wrapped up in my heaviest fleece and my hands are so cold. But the coffee is hot and I will warm up as I get moving and exercising and cooking some baby back ribs this morning. At least I hope all that warms me up! This is what Spring looks like in Pennsylvania some really warm days and some really cool days and most days in the middle as it gradually warms up to summer. Every time I think about putting away my winter clothes we have another cold streak and I am thankful that I haven’t yet. 

People in other cultures and countries control their heat or wear their coats by the date of the calendar regardless of the temperature. In Macedonia, they turn the heat on every October 15 and turn it off on April 15 no matter the outside temps. They generally wear their coats for the same time period. Me? Well I am the one sitting here wearing the heaviest fleece on May 8, and I am cold if I am cold no matter what the mercury says the objective temperature may be. Just super glad that I am not out on the boat with my friend who wanted me to go with him last night!! He is likely sitting on the bow with a hot cup of Joe in his hands, in short sleeves and thinking about what a nice morning he is having. Whereas I would be huddled beneath two sleeping bags shivering if I were out there with him.

We are all different and that makes like interesting and it makes life complicated and challenging.

Helping

Chapter 269

So out the door she goes again. Instead of a nice relaxing morning where she basks in the disciplines she loves, she runs out the door to help next door where evidently our grandchildren are tearing the house apart and rampaging. Brenda will be an oasis of peace moving into that space and helping things settle down and be calm and move forward toward getting the little monsters off to school. I have never felt so sorry for schools. The reason that Brenda does this is that she kind of person, who rushes to assist and help in every way. 

We all should be more like Brenda. People who rush to help rather than people who rush to criticize. People who rush to help instead of analyze. People who rush to help instead of those who judge and penalize those who need help. I am sorry to be the one who tells you this, but few of us are like Brenda. Most, and I mean MOST of us are the criticizing judging penalizing critics who are no help at all, and in fact we demoralize those who are in the trenches doing the hardest tasks. When I confronted a few clients for being this way, they were appalled that I could not see their good deeds and that I thought their “wisdom and insight” to be harsh unhelpful judgement. Still think that about them and they are no longer clients. 

We overestimate our goodness and helpfulness and we underestimate our judgement and criticism and unhelpfulness. When was the last time you can document that you rushed to help?

Puzzles and portraits

# Chapter 268

“I agree with you” she declared to me at the breakfast table. What is there to agree on? I was just stating the definition of a word. But my lovely wife thinks we are in a debate in some fashion so she is “agreeing” with me and “disagreeing” with me and all this business is so funny. Brenda sees life as a puzzle. I see life as a portrait. For Brenda it is fragmented and unassembled and unfinished. For me, it just is. Experience it however you want, including as a puzzle, but mysteries are mysteries and life is life, live it embrace it hate it or waste it, but it just is.

How we view these matters often impacts how we experience these matters. For Americans the one overriding experience is comparison. The dear dear American almost always feels bereft of some possession or some respect or some option or some something, because they/we have the terrible Fear Of Missing Out on something important that someone else has, or has done, or will do. We are constantly astonished at how overwhelmingly many Americans feel poor, when we see all Americans as overwhelmingly wealthy. So rather than enjoying what they have, the American feels poor and underprivileged and left out, while consuming far more of the world’s resources than any other nationality.

Brenda sees a puzzle I see a portrait, what do you see?

You can’t outrun your fork

# Chapter 267

You cannot outrun your fork. I am reminded of this each morning when I get on the scale to measure the changes in my weight. The scales do not lie. You cannot outrun your fork. You may for short periods of time, but in the long run the folk keeps perfect count and will not miss a single calorie. While your exercise keeps trying (and succeeding!) to burn those calorie more and more efficiently. It is how every single human body was designed to function and you will not win this battle. You simply cannot run or bike or swim more and burn more calories indefinitely. Your body will adjust, become more economical and efficient and you have lost weight so it takes less calories to do what you did before. You have become stronger so it takes less energy to accomplish the same as you did previously. You will burn less, and the only way to compensate for that is to eat less. And that is constant contest, to find the balance to keep your weight where you want it and to find our how much you can eat and not start gaining it back.

In a perfect world where you could exercise all day you would reach your perfect weight and eat all you want. But that world doesn’t happen often for most and sooooo . . . you realize how very little to takes to live and stay at your current weight and you keep moving because fitness gives you so many great gifts and you want those, you need those! But don’t even try to outrun your fork, it can’t be done.

No monochrome world please

# Chapter 266

Which path are you on? We often think that everyone has to be on the same path that we are on, or they are simply lost and don’t know what they want and where they are going. I don’t know why we think and want everyone else to be on the same path that we are, it would make the world a very boring place were it so. There is no harmony if we are all singing the same note. Perhaps it is just our mental insecurities that drive us to attempt to pull everyone we encounter down the same rabbit hole we choose to live in? Its like we are trying to force a confirmation bias here, where if everyone can be like us it makes us ok? It proves that we have chosen the superior path?

I don’t know why we are so intent on making this a monochrome world, but that does nothing for the first question of the day, which path are you on? Which path have you chosen to follow and why? What is it about this path that resonates with you so deeply? What factors led you to decide this way? Many of us chose paths that are similar to the paths our parents led, or at the very least not opposed to the paths that they followed. Its what we know, it feels comfortable, and who doesn’t wish for the parents approval? Others chose the most opposing path they can find, as far from their parents point of view as they can get. This is their statement of what they believe they experienced in the home they grew up in.

Brenda and I have always had great relationships with our parents and we do not have any form of oppositional viewpoints with them. But my brother grew up in the same home and he ended up far far from my parents point of view without being angry or hurt or injured in some way in the process of life. So this question of which path are you on and why is so important, because it shapes your life and how you live it and experience most of it. It ultimately gives you your “why” for living.

A full life

# Chapter 265

Super full life right now, in the contentment sorta way, not the over-commitment sorta way. I have never had this life before and I am not certain what to do with it now that I have it at the moment other that just enjoy all these moments and minutes and days with all this great stuff happening and coming our way. Now if I only had a job or stream of revenue!! Hahaha! Too much to ask I know I know. And l likely would have no time to enjoy all these other amazing pieces of my life were I working a regular job . . . so what do you do? You enjoy these moments and let the job worries ride for another day. You just be.

This too is another new experience for me. No plans, to-do lists, triage or urgency?? How can that be happening?? You just be. Its far more difficult than you imagine to just be, at least far more difficult than I imagined. Yesterday had so many luxurious experiences in it, seeing peeps at church, a long bike ride, lunch with the daughter and son-in-law, and few hours of repairing things and hanging things in prep for the new baby, a nice fat gift to give them, a cigar and a conversation with my dad, sitting down at the outside table with a hockey game and the nice weather, watching youngest grandson prance around the yard picking up cockleburrs, and just living this life and embracing it completely. And surprisingly feel less guilty about it than usual. Super full life. Wow.

In search of silence

# Chapter 264

“The object in meditation and all of our contemplative disciplines is silence… in order for you to perceive something other than yourself“ - David Whyte

I love love this quote!! There is not hardly any silence in the world anywhere anymore! It is the particular pollution of the 21st century - the world is a very very noisy place. As a testament to that fact, that I own and use packs of foam ear plugs should be no surprise. Nor the fact that I own several different noise-canceling ear buds as well as a noise-canceling ear cans. How can one person use that many different forms of hearing protection? Trust me, it is easy. But this is not the same as silence, although it helps the one side of silence.

Silence has two sides at least, the physical absence or muting of sound, and quietness or the absence of intrusion mentally or physically. Both are practically nonexistent in the modern world. In the old days, monks would go live in monasteries in search of both sides of silence. Consequently monasteries were almost remotely located far from population centers and people in general. Even hundreds and thousands of years ago, you had to get away from people in hope of finding some silence.

Now in the time of smartphones and unbelievable communication possibilities, silence is so elusive as to be never found. Even when I rode my bicycle all the way across the USA in 2016, did I rarely find any silence. And the long (and not yet long enough!) conversation about silence has led us to ignore the real gem here, perceiving something other than ourselves. God, the great I AM, the galaxy, the universe, eternity, love, hope, possibilities, thinking, joy . . . and the list of potential “somethings other than ourselves” is endless. Silence is the main highway for getting there.

Environment and History

# Chapter 263

It is difficult for most of us to make progress in overcoming our environments and histories. Though we do love to write stories about it and tell stories about it. I think 70% of the novels I read are at heart, overcoming their tragedies and histories stories. Real life does not work so neatly. And almost never in the young. Those I do see changing their trajectories in life are doing it later in life when they can think and when they can have some perspective. Even as a consultant with leaders around the world, I find that helping them think and have perspective earlier rather than later in life is one of the best gifts that I can give them. But I digress.

What I am speaking of here are my own observations and experiences and 60 years of watching other people fail to overcome their particular challenges. I am watching it still in me, my wife, our children, our grandkids and our neighbors. It is the older ones who are having most success and the youngest one’s the least. Even Brenda admits that we are something quite different than our parents at this age. Our pasts do not determine our futures, but they sure do put a lot of pressure on those futures. Most of us are just a bundle of intense emotions and feelings and reactions. Few of us have clarity and think and choose. These emotions feelings and reactions are powerful forces in our lives and they are plenty difficult to override and overcome and allow clarity thought and choice to have a say. Look for perspective and spend some thinking time if you want to shorten this course correction in your life.

Mental Tsunami’s

# Chapter 262

There are few things more upside-down than not staying asleep. But boom at 3:30 am and a quick trip to the bathroom ends the night. My mind takes these decade long trips to all the countries we have lived in and worked in and some of the most obscure things you could imagine and I ain’t never gonna get back to sleep after that mental tsunami starts to rock and roll in my thoughts. I sure wish I could corral this mental energy and direct it and most of all have it when I want and need it, instead of it taking over my sleep hours!!

Why can’t I have this experience in the afternoon when my creativity is low? Why can’t I just go to the bathroom and relieve myself in the afternoon and boom, mental overclocked hyper-speed engaged! Now that would change everything!

No, I am doomed to have an especially slow mental afternoon after losing my best three hours of sleep last night. If I get much of anything done today it will likely be a miracle and high quality high impact work would take a double miracle. Maybe I will have a triple shot expresso since I am fresh out of miracles.

To jumpstart thinking

# Chapter 261

Thinking, unlike inspiration, cannot be driven by the ambience or the beauty outside or the experience of the moment. Thinking requires intentional movement in a certain direction regardless of the internal or external experiences and feelings that you are having. Its like taking a walk North. No other direction will suffice. And pack well, because thinking is often a very long walk in the same direction. A very long walk. For you type A’s out there, we are talking about thinking not walking and yes you can change direction if the thinking demands it.

I am currently thinking on a problem that I have been trying to solve for almost seven months. I am trying to help a client solve a problem we have been thinking on for all these months since their world fell apart and they don’t know what the solution is at all. Its not apparent. On a different problem, I have been thinking on that one for years. And that thinking seems to lead in a direction and so we try that solution and while none of them have worked well the application of a potential solution often changes the direction of the thinking. These are thorny matters and they will not be going away anytime soon.

While thinking is not driven by the beauty of the moon last night or the awesomeness of the sunrise this morning, it does have atmospheric requirements. Quiet being number one. Nothing facilitates thinking as does Quiet. Unfortunately most people I meet don’t even allow a second of Quiet into their lives. Equals no thinking. There are different levels of thinking that can be done without Quiet, and those are plenty difficult too. And yes, there is a small segment of thinking that is done in conjunction with other people, but for the most part, thinking is a solitary practice. Grab some Quiet and some Alone time without distractions (no electronics!) and change the world. Start thinking.

Inspiration the one half

# Chapter 260

Inspiration. It can be the simple pleasure of a quiet room and a hot coffee. It can be the open road on a motorcycle. It can be the mental space to think and to consider new ideas and the to figure things out. It can be the hum of a well made engine. It can be the helpful person you just met. It can be the luxury of a soft bed. It can be found in the repetitive task of cleaning or organizing. It can be just simply a space in your heart . . . and a million other things. It will ultimately be what you need it to be, or you will not find your inspiration. And it is something that most people have to look for, it does not find us, but rather we it. If it is to be called inspiration, then it will be enough to move us to action and to change something within us. If it does not do these things, then it is something other than inspiration, even though it well may be something good.

Then I have to stop and ask myself, “what is this calling me to do?” That answer is not always as clear as I would like but inspiration demands a response and an action and forward movement. The precious silence of this room and the mental space to think is such a gift that to do nothing with it would be a travesty. Inspiration is one half of a great gift and what we do with it is the other half.

When helping isn’t

# Chapter 259

The alarm clock hasn’t gone off and it is still pitch dark outside but my dad is determined to get us up and running this morning no matter how much I need sleep and no matter how well I am sleeping. He means well but this won’t change my day for the better in any way. He has already decided that I need to leave by a certain time and that I have a certain distance to ride and that I should get my workout started earlier and all these decisions which cannot be made by him and even I don’t know the answer to most of these questions, you just have to get on the bike and see what the traffic is like and how far you get and know that whatever you ride today you won’t have to ride tomorrow. So I will do the best I can with what I have been given.

I wonder how many of our attempts to help come off like this, not helpful at all and actually making things more difficult. This is worthy of some thought. One of the most difficult things to get our minds around is that all these wonderful intentions that I have, can actually harm people and situations. One of the best books on this subject is “When helping hurts” by Corbett and Fikkert, and we made this required reading for all who wish to work in our NGO or Mission. But still, most just ignore the reading and do what they want. Unfortunately the intensity of my desire to help does not correlate to the results that my actions force upon a situation.

Full and lush

# Chapter 258

This morning is wet and green and alive after all that rain we had yesterday. This is what we need in our idea funnel and our thinking processes and in our leadership development ideas, we need rain. We need fresh moisture and life in our parched process and development procedures. If we don’t regularly water these ideas and inputs they will die on the vine and we will never see or taste the fruit of these potential producers.

Living everyday seems to take all the air out of people and thinking about their futures and development feels like it is too much and out of their reach and out of their wheelhouse. But unless you and I are resigned to keep living that same life until our time is over, we have to make room for change and growth and new possibilities. And this is never a one and done kind of process, this is a posture that we have to have till the end. This is how we have a wet green full and lush life that is well watered and properly nurtured and reaches all its potential.

Isn’t this the life we want? Then the status quo will not get us there. You have to water and nurture this kind of potential out of the root system that you have in place right now and that may not be enough in the end. But we all start with where we are, there is no other starting place. Down the road we may have to hire a backhoe and dig your tree or starting place completely up, but that has its own challenges. Most of us will do just fine if we start period.

A little rain changes . . . ?

# Chapter 257

It is morning and its gonna rain all day and that changes everything and nothing. We are still going to work out but just differently. We are still going to work on projects just inside ones. We still have meals to prepare and clean up to do and clothes to wash and floors to clean. The rain outside more or less changes the duration and style and approach to what needs to be done and completed.

But that is the trivial everyday stuff that is going on, all the important things are unaffected and impervious to the rain. There are people to help locally like we did earlier in the week. Their needs are still there and they continue to need our help. There are things in my community that need my attention and assistance and the rain will not effect that one bit. The world has a whole host of problems that care not about the rain one whit. Human trafficking, conflict mining, military coups, military aggression displacing people, refugees, drought, floods and more and more. There are literally no ends to the needs.

So what’s a little rain? The only thing that changes is what you see out your window. Stay calm and keep changing the world.