All the hats

# Chapter 230

The different hats we wear. This complexifies all of our lives. The reason this is so, is because they pull in different directions and they have different goals and objectives. My “take care of dad” hat requires me to be in Georgia for weeks at a time, and to make daily phone calls. And before you scoff at that sentence and hat, who among you have talked to or been with your parental every day for the last 1500 plus days??? Apologies for being punchy, but elder care is exhausting business. Back to hats.

That “take care of dad hat” creates so many pressures that my “work” hat gets trampled. That means that I never feel like this hat receives the energy and focus that it needs and deserves. I also never can finish this hat and it most often feels like “take care of dad” hat is the reason why. And then my “take care of wife” hat can lose ground because of the pressures of the other two hats. And my “take care of wife” hat can be very complicated because it involves multiple languages, countries and currencies.

Then there is the “take care of the house” hat and that is super intense and complicated because we just bought this house and it has many needs after years of neglect. Then there is the “kids and grandkids” hat and this one feels the most urgent of all, and many days more exhausting than the “take care of dad” hat. Kids struggling with gargantuan challenges, new fresh grand babies on the way, foster kids, the whole nine yards.

You wear a similar number of hats that require constant triage and management. We need top notch systems to do this well and take care of ourselves in the process.

Thinking about thinking

# Chapter 229

The leadership and thinking space has too many challenges and too few practitioners. Too few spots where the leadership and thinking person can find paying work and create the margin and area in life where more thinking can occur. And of course thinking can occur in other moments but that’s a different kind thinking I am referring to in this post. That kind of thinking is the weighing comparing assessing the current moment that you are living, the experience of the now, the brain functions in the current conversations and moods of the hour in which you are living.

The kind of thinking that I am advocating, is the long deep quiet change the world kind. The type of thinking that solves world sized problems and shifts in society and resolves the thorniest peskiest challenges that people face each day. This is change the world thinking on a vast scale that then is broken down into smaller and smaller changes, manageable sized problems that more people can grab ahold of and assist in bringing to a great conclusion. This kind of thinking requires blocks of time without interruptions, quiet and peace, and lots and lots of input so that you grapple with the scale and size and influences that form the problem you are wrestling with, and understanding the problem can often take more time and energy than resolving it.

This kind of thinking is rare. Let’s change that.

The harder things are . . .

# Chapter 228

The harder things are, the more inherent opportunities there are in the making. The most difficult thing is how nearly impossible it is to see them, because we are so consumed with the difficulties we are experiencing. This is understandable but really unfortunately because of said opportunities. So we have to train ourselves to think “crap things are getting tougher and tougher. That means I gotta search and look for the opportunities.” We have to train ourselves so diligently that this lesson happens almost by default without any thinking, otherwise it generally won’t happen. I mean come on, be real, who is gonna stop in the middle of losing their job and think, “Oh I wonder where the goodies are in this terrible event?”

More often we look back and see the opportunities that were happening while we were going through whatever we were going through and we recognize the blessings that it brought and the chances to change things that slipped through our hands. But looking back is too late to take advantage of all those possibilities, even though it is never a bad idea to look back and be thankful. However if we are to gain more than scars from the painful moments in life, we have to find a way to look forward while hurting and while struggling.

I have not yet developed a great system for doing this, it is difficult for obvious reasons. If you have better ideas than I do, which is likely, shoot me an email.

Harmony

# Chapter 227

Harmony in life seems to be an ever elusive state. It shifts and dances and spins away just when you think you have a handle on it or when you think it had finally arrived. And this is to be expected because Harmony is a complex and ambiguous event. And there are different kinds of harmony. There is the harmony that is the opposite of discord. There is the harmony that is a synonym of peace. There is the harmony that is the combining of different voices on different notes to make beautiful music. Harmony in life seems to be most similar to the lack of discord or the presence of peace.

More than that though, for me, harmony in life is the convergence of alignment between the primary parties, kindness expressed by all parties, no arguing, contentment with the results, pleasure at the outcomes, peace in the process, etc etc you catch my drift here. No conflict low stress peaceful existence usually feels like harmony in my life. Perhaps I am not giving this enough depth of thought but overthinking is one of my great sins so I am purposefully trying not to.

More importantly my definition leaves you room to have your definition. So your harmony can be what you want or need it to be. But no matter what your harmony is and no matter what my harmony is, reaching for it each day is a great way to live.

Clutter

# Chapter 226

Einstein said to find simplicity out of clutter, but he had never observed my life. I seem to have clutter, create clutter, find clutter, and generate clutter everywhere I live and go. My desk surface is a famous subject in our house and everybody wants to clean it - but they have learned that this is completely forbidden! My office is a visual wreck, and my wife always wants to take it all to the garbage! My room always has a pile of clothes on the floor or chair and my poor wife has to live with me! Clutter is everywhere near me! Clutter is not just a result of messiness, it is more often in my life a result of time differences.

This stack of papers is critical, but not until later in the month. That stack of papers is critical next quarter, that stack right now - and /viola/ we have three new stacks of paper on the newly cleaned desk. The clothes piled at my bedside are a result of time differences. I wash socks and underwear after a single day, but shirts can usually go 4-6 days depending on the temps, and jeans can go months between washings - and so the pile never goes away.

I am not opposed to finding simplicity but after 59 years I don’t know if there are any ways to simplify time differences.

Play

# Chapter 225

It was a beautiful day to get a lot of to-do”s done yesterday, but we failed to do so. We did finish one, but all the rest got swallowed up in living life and old antiques. The old cars and trucks captured our attention and all the work faded into the background and did not get done. And you know that was ok because it doesn’t happen often and what is the point of working on old stuff all the time if you aren’t gonna drive them occasionally?? If you fail to play regularly, then you are gonna find that your frustration levels soaring.

Play is an important part of life that we underestimate all the time. The value that play brings to our lives is often unrecognized and underappreciated. But play is usually thought of as being for children, never for adults. Balderdash! Play is for everyone and for always. It resets our emotions and our expectations and perspectives. There really aren’t many ways to do this necessary reset. Failure is the most common way that we experience this reset, but Play is a lot more fun and positive! You really should try play!

I know that I need to play more, and I am fairly sure that you do too. Rest is more than just not working. Work and rest aren’t competitors. They’re partners. The better you are at resting, the more energy and creativity you’ll bring into your work.

Shortcuts

# Chapter 224

Sandblasting old metal is a great shortcut. We have been remodeling a 55 year old truck and we started out sanding everything by hand and needless to say, the project was moving very slowly. Eventually we wanted to pick the pace of our work up to another level, and so you have to choose a different path and process to make that happen. This is a time shortcut, not a cost shortcut. It costs more money, a good deal more money, but the time savings are enormous. Everyone has to decide what they value most. With this sandblasting method we went from raw truck bed to primer in 2.5 weeks. That would have normally taken us at least six weeks without the shortcut.

There are downsides to shortcuts, there always are consequences to taking the quicker path, and this is true in restorations and most other projects in life. Actually I would warn you away from health shortcuts because of the organic nature of this process usually has a boomerang effect. Slow and steady is the way to go health wise.

If you have the money and don’t have the time, shortcuts can be a nice addition, but approach with caution, there are always unintended effects.

Your significant people

Chapter 223

The third death this week of a close and precious friend has happened just a few minutes ago. That makes breakfast a very sober experience, unlike the robust and lively conversations that we normally have with our eggs and bacon. Instead we have had sorrow after sorrow this week, this whole year of Coronavirus and sickness. We have lost some dear friends. That makes this trip all the more important.

We are at my dad’s house in rural GA doing our monthly visit. Many people I talk to are appalled that we spend so many resources on these monthly visits and I am appalled that they are appalled. How can we not? Our parents gave and gave and gave to us. At the ends of their lives we are supposed to reserve resources??? 

And of course we see other friends and clients and work partners while we are down here, the upsides are pretty much infinite, and the downsides are that we are away from home and the kids and the grandkids and our significant relationships up in PA. Spend your resources on significant people in your life. You can’t take it with you.

Weather forecasting

# Chapter 222

I think I am going to start selling weather. That’s right, selling weather. The more thunderstorms the better! The worse I can make the weather sound the more people that are going to tune into my forecast. If I can say the word “tornado” then my ratings skyrocket! This was brought home to me this morning as my dad was glued to the TV forecast that was just basically noise. At the end of her spiel of techno-talk, there is a measly 10% chance of thunderstorms. But she made it sound like this was the main event and my dad soaked it up. So our whole schedule for the day changes based on a 10% chance of thunderstorms. That means there is a 90% chance of no thunderstorms!! Hell it might not even rain!

So this is why I want to start selling weather. It requires no precision and no certain outcomes, all you need is a radar screen. Watch where the precipitation is moving and make your best guess. It does not matter if it actually occurs or not, because you put a percentage on it. In other words, the weather lady this morning gave herself a 90% chance of an out. Even though she played the 10% up to the hilt, the reality is that she is considered a good weather forecaster even if it doesn’t rain at all.

The more I think about it the less downsides I can find to weather forecasting as a career choice. If only life required such vague answers.

The door to Narnia

# Chapter 221

Almost six months after we moved into this house we found it. More precisely my wife found it. I mean we had been looking for it because every house has to have it, and the roof solar guys needed it and the electrician needed it and we as new home owners needed it. But after almost six months of living here and looking for it I was convinced that this was the only house in the whole world without an attic access. I mean I assumed someone had made a huge mistake when building the house and forgot to leave an attic access. Professionals were looking for it, friends looked for it, we looked for it, and never could we find an attic access.

There are only two bedrooms and a bath on the second floor of the house so it had to be here if it existed at all. But we had had no success in finding the attic access at all, until Sunday morning, Brenda was digging around on my side of the closet when she noticed a tiny latch on the side of the wall. When she pressed it, the wall of the closet fell away to reveal the attic! We have Narnia access in the back of our closet!! The latch and the wall are all painted the same color as the rest of the upstairs and so it is nearly invisible unless you know precisely where to look. And now that we do it seems obvious, but until Sunday morning, it was impossible to find.

It often takes a long time to find the right doors and the right keys to what you are searching for in your life. But don’t give up and don’t despair. Keep searching and continuing doing the things that will lead to success in your search.

Fears

# Chapter 220

Fears can really confine us and they aren’t always rational. I was trying to help my son get his head around a different approach to housing as he is planning to move to a different city and he was bemoaning the housing costs. I showed him how to live basically rent free and he jumped on it! Not! He acted like he did not understand, which is impossible because he is super intelligent and this isn’t even close to being difficult to understand. So his resistance isn’t lack of understanding, it is fear. He is afraid of the responsibility, of the size of the undertaking, of something, but he is afraid. And these fears make no sense to me, but they do to him obviously, or maybe not. At the end of the day he would rather rent and pay that money than house-hack and not pay rent.

Everyone has fears including me. And they aren’t all that rational to those looking in from the outside. And the reason I keep pounding on this is that we have face these fears if we want to overcome these constraints. You are following me here right? Those constraints hold you back in negative ways. Boundaries are the healthy version of constraints. Boundaries help you stay on the path. Fears keep you from ever getting on the path. Face them and try to unpack them, and if you succeed then you be able to make much better decisions. I will be able to make much better decisions.

Circustances

# Chapter 219

Circumstances are powerful forces in all of our lives. Most of us find them to be all that we can handle and then some. But it is important to not be overwhelmed by the container in/of life that we find ourselves. The container of circumstances that we are ourselves living out our lives within, is not life itself. It is the context of life and it is the texture of life, but it is not life. Yet no one of us can control what happens to us. What happens happens. As I said yesterday all we can control is what happens inside of us for the most part.

But bemoaning the circumstances, the context of our lives is wasted energy for the most part. You have no control over your gender, race, ethnicity, birth order, parents, passport country, nor genetics, or a hundred other factors. This is your context, your circumstance that you will and have developed within, and it has exerted influence over you along the way, played a shaping role in how you think and what you believe and how you choose to act. I think this is unavoidable. However I think as you become aware of this fishbowl that you are cultivated within, you can choose, you can decide, you can override the circumstances of your life. You can choose what you do, where you live, whom you marry, what your eat, how you raise your kids (and thereby create their circumstances/incubators) your habits, your clothes, the health of your lifestyle. These choices alone will likely drastically alter your circumstances. These choices will forces changes on the context of your life.

Take the choices your in life, don’t allow the circumstances more power than they deserve.

An outsized result

# Chapter 218

There are so many things to enjoy and experience in life that it can seem overwhelming. But then you grow older and its seems that there is less to look forward to, and more painful as well. And the things that you loved to do before are less fun now, and more painful too. And all these people that you have loved and poured your life into are dying and moving on to the next life, in other words they are leaving you and you can’t do anything about it. In the sense you can’t stop it, change the course of it, or mitigate any of these matters, you are powerless.

The only area where you have any power and control is in what happens inside of you, inside your heart, inside your mind, inside your self-talk and thinking. Honestly it won’t feel like much control, but it is actually far more than it feels like it is. The net result and outcomes will exceed your expectations and understandings. This has an outsized result. And for better or worse, it is the only thing you can control with any degree of certainty.

So own it. You can’t influence the eternal factors very much and even less and less as you get older. But you ought to have a much greater degree of power and finesse over your internal factors as you get to this age. This is what it is and nothing more and nothing less. It has the power I give it from the inside.

Good questions

# Chapter 217

I have been building some tools for clients to use to find clarity about what they are trying to accomplish. So in this series of questions we want to know what we can learn from the past. What does the past teach us and that we need to know? Usually more than you think. Then the series of questions about the vivid goals you have for the future. If they aren’t vibrant and vivid and shiny, then you won’t be able to see them, because they aren’t here yet. And the last series of questions is about what you are doing in the now, in the present, because that is quite clearly the only time frame you have any control over in reality.

This is what a good consultant or a good mentor does - ask good questions. Asking good question is a serious art form and I am still a novice, even after 59 years of living. Probably because I like talking more than I like asking questions, offering opinions instead of listening, and being the expert rather than the learner. Shame on me! I could be so much further ahead in my own development if someone had asked me good questions along the way. Instead most people just told me what I should be doing and that is a really poor learning path. When a mentor finally starting asking me some great questions when I was in grad school, I blossomed like a thirsty plant getting water!!

Every good question is worth a 1000 words of instruction.

Living well

# Chapter 216

It is easy to be so driven that you move from goal to objective to outcome and never live life in between. No, the goals, objectives and outcomes are not life. The goals, objectives and outcomes are goals objectives and outcomes. If they are well designed and thoughtful then they can greatly enhance your life and make it more meaningful, but they are not life. Life is relationships and enjoyment and sharing and resting and leisure, and while all of these can be a great deal of hard labor and work, they are the pleasure pieces of a life well lived.

My son is flying in tomorrow. That’s living. My youngest daughter is pregnant with her first baby. That’s living. My oldest daughter was sitting outside facing the sun yesterday as a celebration of Spring soon coming. That’s living. My beautiful wife was riding her Christmas gift bicycle to the store yesterday. That is living. I was digging around in the dirt with a cultivator hoe yesterday planting some grass in the back yard on a beautiful day. That’s living . . . and yes it was also an objective that I was working on, but the pleasure of digging in the dirt was the point. Grass is just a plus. My grandson was here yesterday having school with my wife, and he was cracking us up with his quick wit and tongue. That’s living. You get the point. And while I have made it about family, you could just as easily made it about fishing, biking, boating, restoring antiques, hunting, or karate.

Live and enjoy. Don’t just be driven.

Old goats

# Chapter 215

New teeth hurt. New in the sense that I have had eight fillings done in the last six days. And one done twice. Seven shots, two days of face-numbing, and almost $2000. But I want to keep the teeth that I have, I don’t want them pulled, and I be a toothless old goat. I may well be a an old goat, but I don’t want to be toothless! And how did I ever have eight teeth go bad? Well it happen over a long period of time when we did not have regular dental care. Our previous dentist retired and there has been no one since. No cleanings, checkups or fillings done in a long long time. So now that we are in the states for a year for the first time in 11 years, we are seeing a dentist, and oh baby it hurts, in every way.

But it is the only way to save my teeth, and to save your teeth. Heck they don’t even call them fillings any longer, now they are restorations. Sounds like they are taking an antique house and putting it back together, and in a sense I guess they are doing just that.

The disappointing thing is that I have eight bad spots on my teeth to be dealt with even though I brush twice daily and floss every day.. In other words, can you imagine how bad it would have been if I had not been practicing good daily dental hygiene? Nothing is going to make decay go away, and the best I can hope for is to slow the decay. This is true of more than just teeth.

Adrenaline junkies

# Chapter 214

Was an amazing day skiing yesterday, probably the best ski day I have had in 10 years. Of course you need to remember that I generally am skiing small dangerous poorly groomed slopes in Eastern Europe instead of the one that I tore up yesterday. Big wide visas and perfectly groomed and beautiful lifts and polite people! But the sun and temperature made it even better, with bright bright sunlight and just cold enough for them to have made fresh snow. Because I can ski faster than I can see, bright sunlight is a must for me. And then I found a little used slope where there few people and the day just got better!

These are the refreshing thrilling moments in life and when you can embrace a completely different side of yourself! I don’t have to be the cerebral leadership consultant, instead I can be the reckless youth on skis! I know I know, its not safe and isn’t that the whole point?! Ok I will admit it, I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie and making fast runs down a long hill fit my bill perfectly. This is my other self, my fun self, making up for a lifetime of hard work. You can find this inner self too. Indulge occasionally and be a completely different person for a day. Its very freeing, and it unclogs the mind and body and sets you free to explore new ideas and situations that you might can change for the better.

The perfect time

# Chapter 213

Don’t wait. The perfect time will never come. Take action now, even (or maybe especially) if that action is just thinking hard and carefully about the subject. The spoils go to those who take action, not those who are caught in analysis paralysis forever. Get moving. There will never be another moment like this one. This moment is passing away and it will never get you the opportunity that you are being given at this very moment, ever again. This is a unique period in your life, there will never be another just like it. You can’t replicate today in the future. Today is . . . just today and it is special and demands its own actions.

The timing of things is never just right. You have to keep things moving, even if they are just inching forward, and when you look back, you will see a long line of progress, albeit slow sometimes, but a long line of forward motion, don’t wait. This is not to suggest you be reckless and foolish, this is rather to suggest that you keep things hot and moving forward. Waiting serves no one - the kind of waiting that is statistic and moldy indecision and stationary. There is a kind of waiting that comes from wisdom but that is more along the lines of relationships and Christmastime.

The kind of waiting that has no room in our lives is the kind of waiting for the perfect moment, the right timing, enough money, enough time, enough energy, the synergy of the moments, the alignment of the stars, the permission of others, whatever. Take action on your goals, no waiting allowed.

A well lived life

# Chapter 212

We need action. And for the record, thinking is an action. I am using the word action as the antithesis to the emotional feeling despair rollercoaster most people’s experience in life has become. So I mean action as doing and thinking, and we aren’t accomplish nearly enough of either. Time to get doing!

This does not include watching TV or doomscrolling the internet, or reading “the news” or facebook or twitter or any form of social media (which is neither media nor social) nor downloading movies or streaming brainless entertainment.

It does include reading difficult material, alternative viewpoints, having time blocks for thinking, blocks of time for projects of a doing/action nature, regular conversations with bright people, who preferably are smarter than you and challenge you to be your best self, and regular intense doses of humility and learning.

This is the picture of a well lived life.

Stuck?

# Chapter 211

So many people seem to be stuck in places they don’t want to be stuck. Its like they have accepted this result and behave like there is nothing they can do about it. They act like they believe in fate. Like everything is predetermined and that they are powerless. They seem cemented in inertia and unable to move out of the psychic prison of inevitability. There is a special sadness to the people who live their lives like this, resigned and just taking up space. Waiting for death to claim them one day. Nothing more.

Well I don’t know about you, but I want to change the world and help make it a better place for my kids and grandkids and great grands! If the above paragraph describes you, stay away from me and mine. While we may not be able to change everything about the trajectory of our lives, we can change and choose much of it. Most of it is mentally changed by how we choose to view it, and having the opportunity to compare how much more it is than others have around the world. Material opportunities, spiritual opportunities, developmental opportunities and more yet!

You don’t even have to pick yourself up by your bootstraps any more. There are tons of people, programs and businesses ready to help you help the world, and to change yourself. You want to pursue happiness? Then help someone else, happiness will come along shortly.