Series of failure is good? Well it depends . . .

# Chapter 164

/Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." ~ Winston Churchill/

This is so true and yet has to be tempered with not getting locked into a lost cause because of sunk costs. There are two different categories of actions, and two different categories of failure. One is where you have had an epiphany and you /know/ that you have to be doing this. Then the above applies. The other category is a high need/want and you really wish it to be something that works and comes to fruition. Walking away from the first category is never success, and even loss of enthusiasm is not a success. On the second category of action, walking away when you have sunk tons of effort and resources and time and have no results, then walking away is actually the most successful thing you can do at this point, no matter how painful and unthinkable it feels.

On the first category of actions, expecting failure is the norm. You and I need to have a stance of resilience and know that series of failures may happen, but this is what we are supposed to be doing. What we are reaching for is so large and meaningful that failure is inevitable. This resilience to failure is the ultimate success, if it can be accomplished with a sunny disposition and enthusiasm to try again tomorrow. Failures happen as a normal course of events no matter what, get used to them.

What’s in your head

# Chapter 163

“It’s the excuses in your head that are telling you you can’t.

Whatever you are doing or not doing, change one thing every day. When you wake up, do something to achieve your goals. Write them down, talk to people about them, go to meetup groups, whatever you need to do to change the patterns in your life.

If you are continuing to do the same thing, nothing is going to change.” - Elizabeth Leigh

I figure you are weary of me telling you that you can change and make things better and move forward and succeed. Maybe you can hear it fresh and new from Elizabeth, a single mother of three who is changing the world and making a difference and providing for herself and her kids at the same time. Not me the overeducated grandpa who lives in airports and hotels telling you this time, instead its a typical American mom with all the pressures of living her life telling you this time. Stop listening to those excuses in your head. You can change one thing every day. You can move one tiny step closer to your goals. You can write them down and Elizabeth and I both highly highly recommend that you do that right now. Don’t wait! That is another excuse. Find other people who have similar goals and talk about it, talk it up!

There are no unicorns here. Just steady small incremental progress in the right direction will eventually produce some results that you are hoping for, that you are needing in life. Even I needed to hear this again in my life. Was starting to let the excuses and “reasons” pile up in my brain and incapacitate me, and cripple my change-the-world factor. Gotta keep the pressure on so that things happen. Doing the same stuff equals nothing is going to change.

Choose

# Chapter 162

It was a cold cold deep blue sky kind of day yesterday, and we took advantage of it as much as we could. A couple of hours on the bicycle, and then a couple of hours on the motorcycles and then a couple of hours in the antiques. All of those hours were cold shivery hours except the ones in the antiques. Even my heated gloves couldn’t overcome the cold while on the motorcycles.

But the sky was big and blue and cloudless and moisture free so put your warmest clothes on and make the most of it. Half of you are asking yourselves, “now why in the world would David do that?” and the other half of you understand that the alternative is to wait until Spring, which is four months away. And instead of being cold and shivery, I would have been stuck inside - a far worse state of being. There are enough wet and rainy days to keep us inside, can’t let the sunny one’s go to waste no matter how cold.

The point of this is that you have to maximize the day you have, not the one you wish you had. We don’t get to choose the weather, we only get to choose how to engage with it. We don’t get to choose what happens to us, only how we respond to it. While these are generalizations, you catch the drift here. You have choices, make the most of the day you have been given.

Doing right and imaginary difficulties

# Chapter 161

/“The time is always right to do what is right.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr./

Ain’t it true. The time is always right to do what is right. We need to do right. All the time. It is more difficult than you would think. And with the stories that many people tell themselves about themselves and their world, they find it impossible. They rage at imaginary enemies and difficulties. Yes difficulties. And yes they are imaginary, because they are only difficulties in your mind. If you compare your “difficulties” with the simple struggle to survive in the DRC, or a slave, or a trafficked girl, or a conflict miner, or a hostage, or a slum dweller, and on we could go - it takes little imagination to bring to mind those who have real difficulties. No, our imaginary difficulties are wearing a mask in public, or not getting to eat at our favorite restaurant, or having to take care of our kids all day. The enemies are just as imaginary, more feelings and hopes than reality based on the lack of evidence. Wishing it to be the true is not evidence.

But I digress. Do good. Do right. All the time. This is the path to righteousness and hope and peace and mercy and honor.

Stories crying to be told

# Chapter 160

There are untold stories everywhere and in everyone. Stories that are bursting to get out. Stories that need to be told. Stories that we need to hear and understand and contemplate and mull over and think through and change our understanding of the world and her peoples. Stories that are so desperate to be spoken or wrote that the angels in heaven are crying too, waiting in anticipation for the emancipation of these stories. Almost everyone has a story that need to be told.

But then there are the much more daily and common stories, the ones we tell ourselves about ourselves and our world. These are the stories that shape us every day and drive our actions. These are the stories that led rich (compared to the rest of the world’s average citizens) white people to vent their fear as outrage at the US capitol this week. Do rich white people experience injustice? Certainly. Injustice is a common experience in life. But it is very unequally spread around the world my friends. Until you have visited the barrios of Manila, the slums of Mumbai, the nepa huts of jungle dwellers, lived in the squalor of the poorest places on earth, you don’t even have a cognitive understanding of the meaning of poor and unjust. So while pain is something everyone experiences, the American version I see every day while living here this year, has been the variety of pain that is fear of losing something that you thought was yours to keep. This is no worthy reason to storm the seat of government, when in fact we are commanded in scriptures to pray for those in authority over us.

If you want the future to have a course correction, do this.

# Chapter 159

Hard conversations. These are so necessary, and all too easily put off because . . . well, they are hard conversations and the consequences may be significant and someone is likely to be unhappy. I don’t know anyone who likes hard conversations. Especially when you have to initiate them. Hard conversations don’t seem to be as had when someone else begins them, as they are when I have to begin them. Don’t know if you have the same experience, but that is my experience.

Starting a hard conversation, finding the right space to have it, getting two people in the same room uninterrupted to have it, having the right posture, the best words, and most importantly the right heart - this is a tall order - and to do something you really wish you did not have to do in the first place. No wonder so many of this super important hard conversations never actually happen. Most of the anguished I suffered in various jobs and relationships over the years, could have been alleviated if someone had just been willing to have a short hard conversation with me.

That is why I did have a hard conversation yesterday. I understand the powerfully negative consequences of NOT having these conversations. As difficult as this was, and as long as I put it off, it still had to happen. The tricky part is always to be redemptive and helpful, even while sharing the most thorny issues. Of course most of the day went much better after having this hard conversation and the future has had a course correction. You can do this.

Incongruence and “friends”

# Chapter 158

Social media is aflame this morning with most of my “friends” showing that if their point of view doesn’t remain the majority opinion, if their understanding of right isn’t followed, then someone has cheated them out of their privilege. This reminds me so much of childhood games where the loser always always claimed the other side cheated or took an extra turn or changed the rules, etc etc, blah blah blah. The parallels are so close, as to make me feel this morning that I am 8 years old again and one of my friends lost his Rook hand and is blaming blaming blaming.

So the thing is, most of my “friends” are sincere church-going folks who I went to bible college with four decades ago. That is a serious serious serious problem for me. That those I share biblical views with, generally see the world so completely different than the reality that is happening, means something is very broken in both how we view the scriptures/God/Christianity and how we see the world. Having lived abroad outside of the USA for the last 26 years, this is very important to us. Having followed Jesus for the last 40 years, this is very important to us. There is an incongruence about this that is disturbing and revealing.

“Unfriending” them is an option, but not a mature one. But reckoning with and remembering their delusions is a necessary one. Guarding my own soul against such things has never been a higher priority.

Problem-lovers

# Chapter 157

/"Replace the word 'Problem' with the word 'Opportunity' in all your thoughts." ~ Matthew Keith Groves/ This is far more difficult than I had imagined. And when I suggested others do it, I was appalled at the push back that I received. “Get rid of our problems?? Never!!” This seemed to be what emotion came forth in about 90% of the people that heard me say this or suggest this. Appalling that someone could hang on to their problem focused world and mentality with such vigor. I even had folks quoting scriptures and throwing them back at me to prove I was wrong.

I wasn’t suggesting that there aren’t problems in life and in the world. Groves is advocating that we see the world differently and thus have a different response and result. This seems to me to be a powerful “opportunity” no pun intended, to alter the track most live their lives on. Now why would that be so threatening? It was more than a bit confusing. I for one would love to be rid of the problems in life and live an opportunistic life instead. A life of potential and possibilities rather than one bogged down in every kind of problem. If you find yourself having a sharp reaction to this suggestion, then you are in the majority. If you find yourself liking this suggestion, then you are in the minority with me. Granted my world is a very small sampling so perhaps I am just inundated with problem-lovers.

This is more difficult than you think to accomplish. You have been taught to see the world as a problem to be solved. But get started by all means!

All here. All in.

# Chapter 156

There are some days that are far worse than others, and fresh grief always makes for one of those difficult days. I read this morning online that a friend of mine lost his dad to cancer yesterday. I sit here eating breakfast and I can’t get away from thinking about what he must be going through. Losing someone close to your heart is so difficult. Your whole world tilts and the fabric of life is torn in irrevocable ways. There are no rewind or reverse options. Things have changed forever.

And it doesn’t seem to matter how many times you have already gone through this, it is just as painful each time. According to my dad, unexpected and shocking death is more difficult than a long goodbye from cancer or some other sickness, but I don’t have that experience. All the losses are losses. Negatives. Irreversible. Painful. Life-altering. World-shattering. All you have are memories and pictures from this point forward.

So all you can do, all anyone has ever been able to do is live these present moments well. Fully present and engaged. All here. All in.

Health

# Chapter 155

As we have been circling around this theme of what you do matters this last week, it also applies more than anywhere to your health. While some things may be set, like genes and genetics and heredity, everything else is a result of what you do and what you don’t do. What you do matters more in this area than perhaps any other, and the correlations are more direct than in any other area. For instance what I ate for lunch yesterday was a poor choice, and one that I paid for in a fashion all through the night. Direct correlation. Or if I drink too much, I will pay a price for that decision for the next 24 hours - direct correlation. But these are negative examples. The positive ones work just as well.

As Buddha is reported to have said, /"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."/ And even if Buddha didn’t say it, it is still very accurate. Granted some things are set, just like in every area of life, but the other half is not set nor settled. Here our decisions are our own and we inherit the fruit and results of those decisions every day. Our work situations, our change the world factor, our weight, our appearance, our endurance, our relationships, our friendships, all that matters to us and to the fate of the world, is related to what we do. What we do matters.

So in this fresh new year, what are you going to do as the author of your own health or disease? If you aren’t pleased with where you find yourself, then change is overdue.

Bold

# Chapter 154

/"If you want to achieve widespread impact and lasting value, be bold." ~ Howard Schultz/

If you want to have reach, to have scale, to do something more than in your zip code you have to be bold. If you want to contribute something important, to provide the most necessary services, to be something that will survive you, to matter the longest and most, then you have to be bold. Not in the brazen sense, though I can recall several times in Eastern Europe and Russia where brazenness saved the day, generally it is not helpful. Especially in Asia, where Kindness and Politeness rule the society, brazen behavior will be your folly.

No this means bold in the confident and courageous sense. Ok well at least in the courageous sense, you can fake the confident part. Few of us are truly confident when facing the unknown and never-experienced, and this proposition will have lots of unknown and never-experienced involved. Because you are gonna break out and reach farther and wider than ever before - and by definition this will be the unknown and the never-experienced.

But you got this, because being bold also means being daring. Daring to try these things, daring to do them no matter how uncomfortable you feel. Because to do nothing is unthinkable. That would mean nothing changes. This would be an unacceptable outcome of your life. You can do this, because you are bold, and you want to change the world to be a better place for everyone.

Tenaciously not ferociously

# Chapter 153

Set big goals. Wherever there is a new start, set big goals. You need the challenge and the focus that big goals bring. Bigger goals are going to require more of you, to step up your self-confidence, to develop new skills, to deliver more. Raising the expectations on yourself can be a big boon to your growth and influence. Merely being glad the previous year is over is not enough, you need to make a definitive step forward, to create movement and energy in the present and future. This does not just happen. This will not happen without initiative from you and me.

I know how difficult this is for you, as you feel overwhelmed and weary from just holding the status quo, but that system is not carrying you to where you want to go. You need more, and to get it, you will have to give more at least in the short run. You will have to have a burst of energy to create a system that will deliver what you really need, what you really want. Hey if you could buy it, I would be selling it, but this is the only path, where you make it happen. Yes yes I know that there are a couple of lucky sods in the world that win the lottery, but 100% of those sods end up bankrupt soon afterwards, and you need a better system than bankruptcy. So in the long run those sods were not so lucky after all.

Back to the first paragraph. Set big goals. Go after them tenaciously. Chip away at them merciless everyday. Make some progress. Tenaciously not ferociously. You can do this.

Innovate, Inspire and model the way

# Chapter 152

“Behave to perform” as Mac Effron says, because what you do matters. More than ever this is true, as you get older and more mature, you stop the behaviors that limit your success and you maximize the ones that contribute to your success. This sounds so obvious it’s terrifying because so few actually do this! This is so clearly apparent, everyone should be doing it, but people get caught in patterns that are less than helpful, and many times actually actively destructive. This is in stark contrast to maximizing behaviors that contribute to your success.

You want to innovate, inspire and model the way to success. These will get you what you want. These are the path to your goals and aspirations. People will follow such a leader most anywhere. I would and do! But you need all three, not just one or two. One of my clients is super inspirational. When he is talking I would follow him to hell with a wet paper towel protecting me. But his modeling falls far short of his inspiration. He can’t deliver the goods in the long run. Another client is all innovation, even though he is pushing 70 years old, he endless innovates! It is amazing. It is inspiring to hear and see! But modeling . . . this is why what you do matters.

Effron lists more things that derail your leadership and power and productivity and ability to change the world (like excitable, skeptical, leisurely, bold, eccentric, a perfectionist plus at least five more) and everyone needs to avoid being any one of these.

Mirche

# Chapter 151

What we do matters. There is no doubt about it. If it didn’t, then life wouldn’t matter. But it does. It does so much. Our good friend and leader Mirche passed away this week and we are still reeling from the loss. That only happens when a person’s actions are so valuable over time, that they come to be irreplaceable. What we do matters. 1000’s of people have been writing tributes to Mirche all week on social media. The president of the country wrote a letter to us acknowledging how much Mircho’s actions mattered! There are 10’s of thousands of people alive in the world today that would not be here if not for Mirche. His latest rescue - the African refugees caught between the Macedonian and Serbian borders without papers or place to go. They would have perished years ago if not for Mirche. What we do matters.

So now you can be disappointed that you are no Mirche, and that the scale of your actions are small, and that what you do matters in the lives of far few folks OR you can choose to live a different life. One that marshals the resources of thousands to affect millions. Or one that focuses most intently on the top leadership in multiple fields to affect thousands. Or one that is committed to helping the highly competent to flourish. Or one that pours itself out for the plight of women around the world, or the trafficked, or the slaves, or the disenfranchised, or the untouchables in every country. The needs are endless, the leadership limited because we don’t have enough Mirche’s! What we do matters. Now make it matter more!

Monday morning quarterbacks

# Chapter 150

There are many things that will tear at you, at your belief in yourself. The whole world seems designed to crush us sometimes. To see us falter and to see us fail. Most people seem to see the problems and pitfalls first, rather than the possibilities and potentials. You may be feeling defense already! We have somehow come to believe that this constitutes adult behavior, seeing all the reasons something or someone may fail, and that to embrace the possibilities and potentials is childlike behavior. Quite the opposite is true though. It takes far more belief in oneself to pursue the possibilities than to disparage every initiative. And if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else is going to have any reason to do it.

Seeing all the problems and pitfalls can be a blessing if tempered with the resolve to work past them and produce something beautiful or effective in the end, but most don’t do that. They sit back and watch others try and fail, or try and succeed, it doesn’t really matter in the end, because these are the Monday morning quarterbacks, calling the plays far from the field of play. They have no skin in the game, nothing to lose, nothing to gain. They too have no belief in themselves. They understand that effort, requires huge amounts of energy and that they have no plans to lend any to the adventure called living.

Try to limit your time with such people, they will always chip away at your belief in yourself.

The Cycle of Life

# Chapter 149

Yesterday was our Christmas Day as a family. It was lovely and awesome and I am so privilege to get to be a part of such a group of people. The table was full of children and grandchildren and their families. It was filled with food and laughter. It was filled with contentment and joy. Even on the saddest of days, when they are burying a great man and friend of ours on the other side of the ocean, we all strove to find joy in one another on this day. And we mostly succeeded. There were sad moments, but mostly it was a joyful and happy occasion.

It has been far too long since we were able to have such a Christmas together, with our parents passing away one after another and my brother, and now Mirche, this kinda wrecked Christmas for the last five to seven years. But more tragedies will come, it is the cycle of life, but we can choose to have joyful events as well and we did that well yesterday. Even the gift-giving was sedate and reasonable and responsible. I am no longer a fan of massive gift giving as we did in the past. And it was reasonable back then because we only saw the kids a few weeks a year when they were in boarding school, but now we get to see them every day. Reasonable is different now.

We are so blessed, and I am so thankful.

This is life

# Chapter 148

So good to be home, and home is where Brenda is right now! Home has never been as much about Brenda as it is right now. There is an entirely new sense of that in our lives right now. Mirche’s passing yesterday shook us all so much. Life is fragile and short and you had better live it well and to the maximum while you can. Then it ends and there is a world without you in it.

We shared our Christmas gifts with each other last night. It was so much fun and we both enjoyed giving to the other. We both like giving gifts more than we want to receive them anyways. Brenda laughing is about the best gift that anyone can ever get anyhow. We sense this more keenly than ever now that our friend Nada is without her Mirche and that the girls are without their father.

But sharing life is so much more than sharing gifts at Christmas time. It is me bagging up the trash this morning and making three grocery runs for Brenda last night as she was starting to prepare our Christmas bash with the kids and grands. It is helping, anticipating the other person’s needs so that you can deliver what is most needed at the right time - and that making you far happier than you doing your own stuff. Sharing life is unloading the dishwasher together this morning while preparing breakfast. Reading the scriptures together, making the bed together, sitting in the living room snuggling together. This is life.

Missed

# Chapter 146

A great man has passed away. After surviving so many things and events and a disasters in his life, Mirce Andreev succumbed to Coronavirus this morning. He was a large man, with an even larger heart. For the last 21 years he has been a critical part of all we have done in the Former Yugoslavia where we have lived, and gave and bled these last 21 years. I have met few people who had his clarity and insight. Fewer yet who had his courage and bravery, He stood in places, in gaps, no one else wanted to stand in. He has been ministering to refugees caught between the Macedonian and Serbian borders for years now - forgotten people- desperate and needy and loved by Mirce.

None of this is surprising to those of us fortunate enough to know him and spend time with him and share life with him. He was always the first to give, and the last to quit. He always wanted the best for every person and every situation. And he loved to laugh and he loved to eat. We have done both with him more times than we can count. He was always a blessing to be around, no matter how much pain he was in at the moment.

And wise, wisdom like we never see, no matter the situation. Like I said before, the most clarity of almost anyone I have ever met. We followed his lead all our years in Macedonia and he never once led us astray. We were blessed each time we were smart enough to ask for his wisdom. He will be greatly missed.

Memory lane

# Chapter 145

Christmas morning in Georgia 2020 the year we all stayed home. Sitting here at the table reminiscing about our childhoods, well mostly my dad reminiscing and me listening, but I shared a few Christmas memories too. 52 years ago in this very house I received my first bicycle that had actually belonged to my dad when he was a kid and he refurbished it and I thought it was a Cadillac! Bright red and new tires and I had never ridden a bicycle before! It was beautiful. The first time I rode it I promptly drove it right into a tree. I can still remember mama laughing at me for being such a lousy driver.

Ah the memories. This house is simply full of memories, Christmas memories, funeral memories, teenage memories, thanksgiving memories, college memories, wedding memories, grad school memories, having my own kids memories, and now . . . its just my dad and I left, and he is 80 and I am almost 60 years old . . . soon we won’t be here either. But oh the memories!

55 year old Christmas gifts

# Chapter 144

I got to drive my 2020 Coronavirus project yesterday and it was sweet! A really sweet Christmas time gift. If my wife were here, it would be a complete Christmas. But I digress. The Coronavirus project that my dad and I have been working on for the last nine months, is the symbol of how we spent the year that we all stayed home. Yes we stayed home too, but we also stayed very busy. It was a great year in many ways.

This whole Coronavirus project event actually began last September over an iPhone. Finally my dad was ready to come into the more modern world and ditch his landline, and use a smartphone. So I traded him my iPhone 8 for an antique engine block that he agreed to help me rebuild. Fast forward six months and we have a rebuilt engine, and nothing to put it in and hear it run. Fast forward three more months, and we found my old pickup truck in a cow pasture where it had been sitting for the last 24 years.

So we disassembled the rotted and rusted old truck down the bare rails and started from scratch basically. That we are driving this baby nine months later is awesome and totally unexpected. But like I said a great gift for this year that we all stayed home, especially at Christmas time when I am here visiting my dad at his place.