Jealousy and perspective

Jealousy can take many forms. Usually we think of it in terms of relationships and rights. But the way that it disables most leaders is in the glass-half-empty variety.
This is a malaise where you can not seem to have any keen appreciation for what you have, but only feel the “lack” that you perceive or think that you are experiencing. I am having this problem myself lately. I can only think about how other people's jobs are so much more fulfilling or easier than mine.
Of course this is not accurate, but the feeling is persistent. How do you overcome feelings that persist, especially when you cognitively know that they are not real or correct? Well that is a great question and one worthy of an answer.
One method that I am attempting today is a change of location. This has the automatic effect of changing all the rules and thus the feelings. I am no less creative than ever, but the change of location helps tremendously to alleviate all the symptoms of uninspiration and the lack of creativity. It gives an immediate sense of new possibilities and potential and new vista's open up cognitively in a real and immediate way.
Perhaps we only need a change of seating to change our outlook? Perhaps we need far less than we think to open up a new way of seeing things? Perhaps we need only to change the seat we are sitting in to have a new understanding of what surrounds us and defines the possibilities of today? How might you apply this to what you are facing right now?

The way things used to be isn't better than they are now

The way things used to be isn't better than they are now.

The last time we stayed here in Ohrid our kids were small and we had a great time together. Now the kids are grown and one of them has even produce the darling child in the picture above. So this round, we are at Ohrid with one of our kids and our grandchild! There are marked differences in the two trips, but one is not better than the other, they are just different, and both are enjoyable. Of course Peanut (pictured above) is so young that she can't enjoy the lake and the food and the ambiance of a resort town. On the other hand, she is alot easier to satisfy than the 10, 8, and 6 year olds were.

The weirdness of time

Time is super weird.  Today as I was trying to get to the airport and was delayed at every point, time seemed to fly.  Then when I finally got to the airport for an International flight but the flight was not listed on any of the boards, time seem to surge forward ever faster and faster.  Would I make it to the gate in time? What if I had to switch concourses again?  What if I had to go all the way back to the rental car facility and start over??!!

This was real and urgent, though I can't explain it in a cogent fashion.  Thankfully there was a great article today about time management, and how it is really consciousness management and you can read that whole article here, "The Paradox of Doing More" by Faisal Hoque and Drake Baer.

By the way, it only took 36 minutes from rental car return to departure gate in the real world . . . but I swear to God it felt like almost three hours and I would have bet a $1000 that it really was.  Poor consciousness management.

Changes and losses?

There are few days more frustrating than one which starts at 2:40 AM with a mad rush to the airport to catch an EARLY morning flight . . . only to be bumped because the flight is overbooked and Austrian Airways, in a huge gaff, sent down a smaller plane on a day when the outgoing was overbooked!  So after I have three new flights assigned to me, I then cool my heels for two hours waiting for a flight to leave, when I could have been sleeping!!

Made the super short connection in Zagreb, and even chugged down a cappuccino, although that made me the last person on the flight to Frankfort.  After one of the most thorough and invasive security checks I have ever experienced (and that is saying something!!) I race to my gate, although I don't even have a boarding pass for the third leg of the flight.  If you have ever been to Frankfort, you know what a HUGE airport it is, and it takes far too long to get anywhere there.  I had less than a hour, change of terminals, no boarding pass, and the security-of-invasive-hell stopping me.  But I made the flight - last person on the plane twice in a row!

But the disappointing news was when the guy, with a hair-sticking-straight-up-into-the-air gel mohawk, was printing me a boarding pass, he informed me that they had already lost track of my checked bag.  

The funniest thing of all is that, I arrived at my destination 2.5 hours earlier than I would had I been able to keep my original flights!!  Isn't that just like life?  Crap happens, and everything gets changed around, you get all stressed out about what you cannot not possibly change, only to find out in the end, that what happened to you, carried a great gift. On the other hand, the bag arrived two days later.

The muscle team

This is a Sunday morning in Germany.  Berlin is absolutely one of my very favorite cities in the world and fortunately I get to enjoy the city regularly as my work brings me here often.  

As it is Sunday, church is a central part of my morning and focus.  But today I get to play a very special role.  Today I was part of the muscle on the venue team.  The venue team does all the heavy lifting and they get no up front time, no thanks, no public appreciation, no pats on the shoulder at the end of the service and hear "good sermon pastor." They get no kudos, encouragement, cheers, admiration nor many volunteers for that matter (for all of the above reasons and more).

But their work is essential for the good of the whole and regardless of how thankless a task it might be, church would simply not happen in its current form without them. So why am I, a person who has spoken here in this church in Berlin many times, and have spoke in far larger venues many times, working with the venue team as part of their muscle? What Matthew records Jesus saying is, "The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

That does not play well in this world, but it sure does in the world that matters.

Thanksgiving

Thankfulness. It is super fitting that I posted the previous post on this day as well. Because thankfulness and contentment are very closely related. And perhaps after I complete this blog, I will write one on gratefulness, because that is the third part of the same wheel. But today is Thanksgiving Day, as in the official holiday.

Unfortunately it has been four long years since I got to enjoy an American Thanksgiving in America. It simply is not the same, in fact nothing at all like it, outside of the country. Today I am in Southeast Asia, and there is nothing special about this day here. No one is off from work, no one is preparing scrumptious food, no special events on TV (unless intense political unrest counts), and the consumeristic leanings of society at large are pretty much the same as they are on any other given day.

But I can be thankful, more thankful than I normally am - at which I think I have been steadily improving as I get older - I can be more intentionally grateful, and I can state those things for which I am specifically thankful. While I am intensely thankful for all the standard stuff and I do NOT take them for granted, my wife, my kids, my grand daughter, my son-in-law, my parents, my heritage, my Lord and all that His is to me, there are other things that I am thankful for. Call this the non-traditional-thankful-list.

I am thankful for work. I know I know, I am crazy, at least according to the thinking of the modern world, but work is important. Nothing is quite as satisfying as having important work and doing it well. I am thankful for warmth. The older I get, the higher this one moves up the list. I am thankful for the people who don't particularly like me - they challenge me to be/become someone they may eventually like. I am thankful for freedom, not only political freedom, but the freedom to travel, to chose, to decide, to create, to make the world a better place for everyone. I am thankful for beauty - and the older I get the more each moment takes on importance and beauty. And I am thankful for the internet, which allows me to talk/impact/coach/mentor the entire connected internetdom, to have locationless work, to have a reach that is mind boggling. I am thankful for the technology that allows me to leverage the connections I have across the world, which affords me a method to be in constant communication with my family which is always so spread out geographically. The combined paycheck of this paragraph is breathtaking.

And I am thankful.

I still haven't found what I am looking for ...

Few people find what they are looking for it seems.  No matter what they get (or you and I get in the end) in life, there seems to be a human trait that simply always yearns for that which I think I don't yet have.  Bono sang it precisely, " . . .  I still haven't found, what I am looking for . . . " And I would argue that he can't even tell you what it is, even when and if he thinks he got it. 

One of the key aspects of maturing trust in God is addressing this issue.  Contentment.  Few arrive at this point early enough to cherish it.  I think we should commit ourselves to pursuing, developing, and embracing contentment.  We are not discussing that weird idea that everything is perfect in the world, and that every desire I have ever entertained is now satisfied and sated.  Nor are we discussing the other side of this wrong understanding, where I stop striving and reaching for better competence in my work, or more understanding as I pursue God and love my family.

What we are discussing is an internal decision that "this" is "enough" for today.  A choosing to not want nor direct more resources toward me and mine.  One thing to be carefully considered in this internal decision is where you rest on the scales of "haves" and "have nots" and I can promise you, you sit higher than you think you do.  If you are reading this, then the masses of humanity have and use far less than you every day of their lives.

But the paradox is that the higher you sit on this scale the more you want of everything.

The mad dashes of a hurry up and wait life

Early morning flights are a stress-filled mix of mad dashes from point A to point B, with long stretches of waiting.  I have experienced 100's of such early morning flights.   I usually am surprised to find myself actually on the plane at last!

I think that most of life works in a very similar manner.  For instance, there are often 20-30 hours of waiting (and studying, and researching and thinking) for God to speak in sermon prep.  Then the mad dash of 25 minutes to gush it all out.  

There are many such key moments of activity in life, that pivot on the quality and character of the time spent waiting.  The waiting is the shaping, forming, development time for the mad dash of action, doing, accomplishing.

Non-romantic rides in the dark

Non-romantic rides in the dark.  I have been to Odessa four times now.  Odessa is famous in the former USSR as a premier vacation spot, as a place honeymooning couples frequent, as a romantic seaside resort.  

But trying to find a taxi at 5:00 am in the morning to get to the airport is not part of the advertising.

When you finally procure one, then you get the thrill of speeding through the dark city, dodging cars, potholes and dogs at the speed of terrifying.  Thank God there were so few other people on the road to dodge at this ungodly hour.  We ran every red light, exceeded every speed limit, and broke every known traffic law.  As always, I feel very very near to God in these situations.  Certain death always does that to me.

Then the driver tags on an additional 10% fee of extortion for the pleasure of his company. All in all just another non-romantic drive in the dark.

Back in the USSR

Recently I had a re-education.  Back in the  former USSR after a two year absence. Many things have changed, many things have stayed the same.  It is so BIG!  When living in one of the smallest countries in the world, or walking the crowded streets of Southeast Asia where the masses of people press in all the time, you can quickly forget that there are places in the world that have almost unlimited space.  

It gives a sense of peace, that is less related to the absence of conflict and more related to the fact that you can be alone very easily.  There is a profound sense of peace that comes from this wide open spread-out-BIG amount of space.  It feels simple, non-complex, straightforward . . . until you try to navigate the local transportation, or the police station or the state orphanage, or the bank.  Then you find a complexity that completely overwhelms you.  This is the "wall of bureaucracy  that every Slavic person in the former USSR fears and has deep pride in, all at the same time.

It just frustrates ex-pats.  Deep deep frustration.  Unimaginable frustration that only those who have survived it can grasp.  I have climbed that "wall" many times in the past . . . now I generally pay other people to navigate it.

Finally, there is the air.  I should have left my contacts at home.  I must have had to take them out 40 times in three days.  The dust in the air, the constant breeze blowing off of the Black Sea, yet dry as the desert . . . contact lens hell.  Ja, its good to be back, for a visit.,

What you lose

This is the document that I am working on while traveling down the road with Sasha, his wife and his grandson David.  We ran out of Russian to say to one another a long time ago . . . about 15 minutes into the 4 hour trip.  Obviously my Russian language skills are phenomenally rusty.  That is a huge understatement.  For someone who has taught at the university level in Russia, that is a painful statement.

It is proof that what you don't use, you lose.  As I said to my wife after two days of this frustration, it is amazing how much I can understand and how little I can say!  I am pretty sure this principle applies to other things in life too.  What you don't use, you lose. Your love. Your mercy. Your compassion. Your character.  Your thoughtfulness. Your passion. Your kindness. Your generosity. Your thinking. Your inspiration. Your understanding. Your appreciation. Your creativity.

Places few Christians are ever found ...

I have been doing informal research for years, poking my nose in places that few Christians are ever found, without compromising myself as a Christ-follower.  One of the most fascinating places is the smoking room/terrace/balcony/cafe/bar/ especially in and around airports.  It is the ultimate concentration of non-christian world travelers and a great representation of the world as a whole; although lately it seems to be leaning toward Asians and Eastern Europeans who apparently smoke more frequently as a whole, than the basic Westerners do.

The conversations that flow in these places is so different and so not-church oriented, as to seem like I have landed on a strange and unusual planet that has never had contact with the Christ-following world.  They talk about business, culture, politics, sex and life in a complete spiritual vacuum.  Everything is generally aimed at being humorous and clever when talking about these topics above, while being curiously transparent and honest when referring to the self in any way. I conclude from this that smokers as a group are very genuine when expressing their understandings about themselves and families, and very self-depreciating about cultural subjects in general.  They understand that they are not experts in all the issues at play and their positions reveal that while they have a position, they are not defined nor confined by their current understandings.

I would argue that we Christ-followers have much to learn about how to dialogue about ourselves and life in general from the culture at large, perhaps especially from this hyper-Christ-absent segment.  One of the things that I have begun monitoring is how people perceive me in these areas, versus the general Christ-following population.  Do people perceive me to be genuine and transparent, or do they perceive me to be self-righteous and judgmental?  Do they perceive me to be willing to enter into real dialogue about world issues or do they perceive me as believing myself to be right about all matters?

I think these are critical differences between the non-praying world and the praying world.  What would Jesus do indeed, and where might we find Him on a sunny afternoon in the Istanbul airport?

So sick

Every keystroke hurts.  Every muscle and joint hurts.  My ribs and abdominal muscles are in agony.  My head hurts so bad, thoughts are running along pain nerves.  All day in pain waiting for the next retch. It is horrible what a microscopic virus can do to your body and the manner in which it does it.  But there is great value in this, two specific lessons everyone needs to learn and keep uppermind as they stroll through life.

One is the fragility of life.  This one is more difficult for the young than those who are growing older or those who feel the full heavy weight of age.  When you are young, indestructible is the word that best fits the minds of this group. There is generally just so little pain as a part of their lives, that they almost have to generate it.  I once asked a Ph.D. psychologist why young people were cutting themselves?  She answered, "so that they know they are alive."  Different lessons are coming in the future decades of life for this group.  Stages that we have all gone through in one form or another.

Two is that no matter how healthy and strong you are, it only takes a small event (bug, virus, ecoli, muscle pull, back strain, car accident, etc) to bring you to a startling halt.  This one always surprises me because I am very fit and strong, especially for someone my age.  But one small event can bring the strongest of us to our knees and completely humble us..

I guess these two lessons are the different sides of the same coin, that we are all weaker than we suppose.  But I believe the converse is also true, that we are far stronger than we know, and it is these weakest moments which help me revel in the strong.

On a cool evening by the lake

In the USA, it is a holiday called Labor Day.  September 2, 2013 has morphed into a cool evening by lake Ohrid after a beautiful day of relaxing. With a ipad mini combined with a bluetooth keyboard and a wonderful slow burning cigar, it has turned into an evening with loads of inspiration and possibilities.  What I can create, write, think, build, connect, produce literally has few limitations.

It is not work, yet it is productive.  We sometimes call it vacation, a break, a holiday, a day off or a change of pace.  I call it wonderful and special.  It is a wonderful byproduct of where I live and what I get to do.  Hopefully it will inspire someone else to spread their wings and explore all the possibilities of their potential and context.  It is all part of a new way of thinking and being.

Unplugged

There are few things in life as a complete change of pace, to re-energize everything you do.  You need and want to have this change of pace.  In fact, it should be the first thing you place on your annual calendar each year.  If you don't put it on the calendar then the chances are very very high that you will NOT get this change of pace that your psyche and your innovating brain cells so desperately need.

You say that you don't have time for vacation, or a change of pace or a break.  That you are entirely too busy to even seriously consider it.  Some of you would argue that such breaks are more work than staying hard at work.  Some of you would suggest that the grind of returning after such a break is more difficult than not going at all.

I would say to you that you cannot afford to not take this break.  The cost of NOT doing this is far higher than you can feel or see on a day to day basis.  There is a large body of research backing this up, and my own testing in this area is amazingly consistent.  The more breaks you factor into your work day and your annual work schedule the more creative, productive and innovative you can actually be hour after hour, day after day.  

Timothy Ferris first tweaked my brain about this some 7 years ago in his blockbuster, "The 4 Hour Work Week".  While I neither need nor want a 4 Hour Work Week, the productivity that can be achieved with the right balance of breaks and focused high intensity work, is consistently far more and far better than I produced in my two decades of 70 hour work weeks.  In fact I am aiming toward, and slowly reconstructing my work cycle to be: personal development for the first third of the work day, intense production in the second third of the day, and slow percolating of ideas and relationships in the final third of the day.  I am consistently amazed at the quality of what I can create now.

This requires (demands) regular unplugging - from the internet, email, phone, media, news, computer, ipad, keyboard, itunes, ipod and any other form of connectedness.  It demands moments of quiet, peace, deep breaths, and change of pace.  After your heart rate settles, your blood pressure falls, you can ask yourself, "What beautiful thing can I create or produce now" as you transition back to full intensity.  Unplug now.


The difference of being in charge

Last night was a total disaster.  Everything that could go wrong did.  Even worse than you can imagine, everything was completely horrible.  And it did not bother me too much at all.  Much to my colleagues surprise, I did not get upset, frustrated, bent out of shape, angry, or emotional.  While it was mildly irritating that so much could happen wrong (that was preventable), it did not affect me all that much.  I simply was relaxed and enjoyed each person and each moment.

What was the difference?  Only this; I was not responsible for the outcomes.  That changed everything.  Everything!  When you are responsible for the outcomes, when you have to answer for the results, when the buck stops with you, then the disaster unfolding around you takes on terrifying purportions. You can see all the potential failures lurking in every moment and event. You can feel the pressure building around you, and you know that certainty of premonition that comes to every catastrophe. Everything has gone horribly wrong.

But when you know that this is not your responsibility, that you face no penalty for this disaster, when no one can point at you and say, "you failed" then the pressure miraculously disappears.  What if we could learn to lead in a groove where we were responsible for the outcomes, yet had the maturity and grace and presence, where our real and actual feelings and reactions were as if we did not?  I am not there yet.

Only two??

I like international travel less and less, the more and more I do of it.  Today's (and yesterdays) travel was more of the same.  All three flights delayed, and while I am thrilled that they organized themselves to all be delayed like that, the stress was painful, and my back was in pain from those seats both in the aircraft and in the airports.  It is like a torture-specialist designed them all.

So on this last leg of the trip today (and yesterday), a curious thing happened.  As the plane was taking off (finally!) two rows in front of me, the three occupants in that row, had the oxygen masks from the compartment overhead, dropped down.  Yes I was surprised that they actually are there too!  Not only are they there, but they drop down just the way they do in the safety video you laboriously watch over and over and over.

But that is not the most curious thing.  Once we reached an altitude where the airline staff was allowed to get up and move about, they all immediately came to this row, two rows in front of me, and basically accused the three passengers of tampering with the system!  Of course they had not, it just dropped down about a 100 meters into the flight.  None of the flight attendants were able to get the oxygen masks back into the compartment.  Eventually they relocated all three of those folks to other seats, and the co-pilot himself came back and worked on this project for the whole flight . . . eventually duck taping the compartment closed.

But that was not the most curious thing.  The absolute most curious thing was . . . that there were only two masks.

Tiger balm is an oxymoron.

Tiger balm is an oxymoron.  Because if you used this stuff on a tiger, it would be anything but a balm, or a calm experience.  Tiger Balm is the Asian equivalent of icy hot (if you are under 50 years old) or Ben Gay (if you are older).  But here, these are all home-made remedies and vary greatly in quality and strength.

Three days ago I hurt my back.  And it wont quit hurting!  So I have been asking my massage therapist to put some Tiger Balm on my back as I am getting my muscles crunched.  The first two days were the seriously tepid variety of Tiger Balm.  I could barely tell she was using anything other than the oil, had it not been for the menthol smell.  Today though, we had an altogether different experience.

I could tell the moment she opened the little bottle that this was not the same stuff she had been using.  Just a few drops and it was like someone napalmed my back!  And then she rubbed it in hard!  And it just got hotter.  She eventually had to go wash her hands, because it was so hot for her!  Then she added a few more drops, and used the edge of a towel to spread it evenly.  I was sweating and melting!  But it was awesome for my back muscles because whatever had been tight was not now.  Then she added a few more drops for good measure.  I sure wish I had some with me right now in this airline seat!

Success is ...

According to David Kidder . . . (Success is) when you have discovered your innate gift or proprietary contribution to the world and you are spending all your time in that strength and almost none of your time in your area of weakness. (I got this tidbit from a Drake Baer blog)

I don't know many people who get to spend all of their time in this strength zone, and who have the freedom of avoiding working out of their weakness at least some of the time.  In fact most of my work revolves around challenging people to identify their "innate gift or proprietary contribution to the world" - what their best contribution can be, what value they can deliver, what they can best create, innovate or build.  Most people are so focused on paying the bills, that just stopping and asking themselves these questions is a huge challenge.

But just because it is tough, doesn't mean we can allow ourselves the luxury of failure here.  It is far too important, both to the world we live in that God created, and to our own sense of purpose and contribution.  I am getting there.  Hopefully I am helping you get there too.

The pressure cooker

I have been in the pressure-cooker recently for some leadership decisions with a client organization. One of their affiliates wants to leave and go to an organization that can provide them with the services, relationships and connections that they need. They failed to provide those things, so it is rational and logical to expect the affiliate to move to an organization which says it can. Now whether or not they actually can deliver those values, remains to be seen.
What I discovered from this recent event is, that my client simply does not believe that 1. they have failed to deliver these values, 2. they don't believe this second organization will be any better, and 3. they are angry with me for not giving them a chance “to talk the affiliates into staying.” Folks, when you have to talk people into staying with your organization, church or social network, you have already lost them.
Let me say this more brutally, if you provide them with the value they need, they will not look elsewhere. There simply is no reason to look elsewhere when I have what I need. Now of course there is some generalization here, but overall the principle is true. So instead of asking “how could we have provided what they needed?” or “if we could do it over again (because you are everyday) what would/could we do better to deliver the value that people need?” they start laying blame, yelling, being angry at the messenger. Seriously poor responses, which only go to blatantly show that yes, they do NOT deliver value for their dollar/investment/affiliates.
If you want to keep your talent, you have to provide them real and actual reasons to stay with you. Said another way, the onus is on the organization/group/club/church to be such an organization, that people WANT to work with you. Provide real value!