the blind man wants a laptop

Some days truth is stranger than fiction. This week I have already written about G. our triple amputee and her trials, and then today I get a call from V. who has been blind from birth. As you can see, our church is rather full of the physically challenged, and they need lots of help.

But I have never had a blind man ask me to buy him a computer before. Of course, blind or not, V. is as human as the rest of us and he not only wants a computer, he wants a laptop computer! I said to him, “V. why do you need a laptop, they cost 6 times as much as a desktop? (local prices are quite different than what you can purchase at Circuit City) ”Well I need to run this program on the computer that will read books to me“ he replies. ”That still does not explain to me why you need a laptop rather than a desktop“ I patiently explain to him. ”And by the way, what configuration do you need to run this program?“ I innocently asked.

Of course V. doesn’t know what a configuration is, much less what RAM, HD or GhZ mean. Think of trying to explain a computer to your great great grandparents, who have actually never seen a computer! Now do this in your third language . . . needless to say, other people who were in my office were howling when I tried to explain to V. that yes indeed computers do have mice. I was trying to help him, but he thought I was just trying to get out of buying a computer for him.

I asked him who would start the program for him? He said that he would himself. I said, ”V. I hate to tell you this, but you are blind. You can’t see the start button on the screen.“ ”There are buttons on the screen?“ he asks in wonderment. ”Yes, you move the mouse to the Start button (I am assuming this is a Windoze variety) and click the button.“ I said. ”Why do you need mice to click buttons on a screen?“ he guilelessly asks me.

Long long long conversation short, I finally wrangled out of him that he wanted a laptop instead of a desktop, because someone had told him that desktops were bigger. I once again reminded him that he wouldn’t be seeing the darn thing anyways, so what did it matter?? He then asked me, ”How big exactly is a desktop?“ Mother of St. Peter, how do you answer that to a blind man???? So finally after a conference with the people in my office, we decided to tell him that a desktop was about the same size as a TV. That seemed to satisfy him, though he has never seen a TV either.

The conversation went on for much longer, as I tried to explain that the man wasn’t tell him the exact truth when he said that the program would run on any computer . . . you don’t even want to know how this part of the conversation went.

As funny as this exotic conversation was, I am thinking that God must feel very much the same with me in our prayer conversations. I ask for things without remotely understanding the real issues at play, and then I get a bit angry with God when He doesn’t immediately give me what I want. Or like V. I asked with utter confidence for healing, stuff, or perceived needs without an inkling of genuine understanding about the end result. Not only that, but I am usually certain that I know more than God does about whatever the topic under discussion is about.

Perhaps what God wants from me is simple, real, unshakeable, unbreakable, never-ending trust. Just like I needed V. to trust me that I knew what I was talking about when it comes to computers and how that impacted his wants and needs. Sadly I am much more like V. the blind dude, than the straightforward trusting fellow that God wants me to be.

free will versus "unwill"

We Westerners are big on believing that we shape our own destinies, our own futures, our own worlds, our own lives. For instance it would be typically American to think that I choose Harley Davidson over any variety of rice burners. But in reality our American culture highly promotes Hogs over ricers because they are American made. Thus Volf would argue that I have been "made into" a Harley guy. Objective reality is that I have enjoyed every single motorcycle I have ever owned in my life and the overwhelming majority of those motorcycles have been made in Japan. But in America right now, there is simply something ultra cool about owning a Harley. So I do.

But did I exercise free will in this purchase, in this desire, in this decision? Luther said that someone was always riding us, either the devil or God Himself. Yet does the devil or God chose for us? Do they compel us to a certain action? (Luther called this possibility "unwill") Or tempt us? (Or if you prefer a more palatable term as it relates to God - does He draw us to a certain path?) Depending on the level of influence/power you ascribe these two characters in your decision-making will determine how you answer this question. But even if we are not physically and emotionally forced by someone, it still may be a mistake to think that you are autonomous and authentically making independent decisions.

We are complicated creatures and are pulled in many ways, all at the very same time. My education pulls at me all the time. This is the side of me that is logical, methodical, focused on the facts, data, reality and frankly is a bit arrogant and very confident. My roots pull at me all the time. This is the side of me that is ferociously independent, emotional, irrational, passionate, focused on how I feel and what I want, and is very insecure and afraid. In between those two lie my experience in life, and it is the rubber band that keeps trying to integrate the two.

My old man (pre-Christ) pulls at me everyday. It is the self that I am valiantly putting to death each day, and the weapon it fights me with is self-absorbtion. Preoccupation with myself is the key to the old man's power. My new man (since-Christ) pulls at me everyday. It is the self that I most want to realize and live out. Its power lies in giving freely of all that I have. It is focused on others. Preoccupation with people is where it thrives best. In between these two forces lies Christ on a cross. He is the Power that diminishes one and builds the other.

These four real genuine elements of who I am, compete at all times for primary position. They are far too intertwined to simply make a straightforward and simple decision. They influence me, even when I don't realize it. They drive me even when I don't want them to. It is not a matter of simply deciding that one or the other is primary. It seems to be a matter of transformation (Romans 12:1) more than free will. Yet if free will is what I wish for, this transformation becomes all the more important, because it is only through Christ transforming these other elements in me (notice I did not say removing them, but rather transforming them) that I may find the release from these four holds on me (and you) in order to finally decide for myself.

the worst monsters of the 21st century

A dear little lady in our church called them that! Mind you she is a triple amputee and she can say this about these folks. It never fails, just when you reach what you consider to be the bottom of whatever state of existence has come your way in life . . . there is always, always someone who has it worse. And this little lady has it the worst of all worst.

She has one real leg, and no arms at all. She was recently in the hospital with the same flu everyone and their two nieces have in this part of the world. She has one leg. Finally she was able to press the button for the nurse to come with her chin, because she is dehydrated and is terribly thirsty . . .at long last the nurse shows up and when our dear friend asks for a glass of water, the nurse agrees to get her a glass of water, only if our friend will pay her a bribe . . . slide her some extra money under the table! While this happens to G. regularly . . . people taking advantage of the fact that she is a triple amputee, these are not "the worse monsters of the 21st century."

The worse monsters of the 21st century according to G. are people like she met last week at a new clinic she is trying to receive medical attention at. She arrived there, and there is this long line. Did I mention she has one leg? Thus she cannot stand but for very short periods of time. So she walks to the front of the line, and the lady there all but attacks her and let's her know that she will have to wait in line like everyone else. G. is not opposed to waiting, but shoot, you gotta give her a place to sit! Not a chance. The lady says, I bet you aren't even a real cripple! Those people, according to G. are "the worse monsters of the 21st century." Welcome to medical care in Eastern Europe. Be very very thankful for the medical care you can get wherever you are. And people wonder why I call it the hairy armpit.

I am just afraid we do this in the church to the spiritually crippled that come through our doors. Wanting them to be better before they even meet the Doctor/Savior. To not really be crippled at all. I am afraid that we don't facilitate them because they are the drug addicts and those without jobs and all those people will be a drain on the churches finances or some monstrous accusation like that. As hard as it may be, I need to remember that we are here for the cripples. And let's face it, I am just one prayer of forgiveness away from being one myself.

We are the champions!

I think I have generated enough flame-producing blogs this week, so I thought perhaps I should try for something safe? Nah. Who wants safe? And I think I have written enough blogs this week that are threatening to those people I genuinely like, so I thought that I would explain to you that we are the champions. "We" meaning the CMA . . . "champions" meaning in the area of our official workers.

About three months ago, we had an opportunity drop out of heaven to plant/begin/lead an International Church. You can see our beginning efforts here. It was the most instant church I have ever been a part of, and Brenda and I have planted several . . . in different countries no less. But this was instant church. Of course our travel schedules do not lend to us being here every week . . . that is not how ministry happens in a regional approach. So I began to look for others to assist us in leading this congregation in various ways. I actually had/have fairly low expectations and requirements . . . I am pretty big on the priesthood of all believers . . . and I have been shockingly disappointed in who other organizations send to this part of the world!

Just about the only people who met my minimal requirements for leadership involvement in this new congregation were our CMA team members! And of course our CMA personnel are way over qualified compared to others. We are simply the champions. The CMA sends out the best people, the most experienced people, to most trained people, the most educated people and the most well rounded people of any organization. That is a big statement, but I believe that the last three months have taught me that if nothing else.

Missions organizations have requirements . . . but few they be I have discovered, in most organizations. Let me tell you how this has worked out. Three months ago I could have named you perhaps five missionaries total in the country that I work in . . . now I know over 45! The International Church has had what we call a "missionary ghetto" effect. These people come in waves some Sundays (not every Sunday) to participate in our English worship, and hear an English message. At first I was thrilled that these folks were coming, because I thought I could recruit some leadership folks (with my minimal requirements remember) from among them. And that is when I discovered the most amazing truth. Almost none of them have theological training (though they are giving it to others), almost none of them are ordained (which means that their parent organization or church has not recognized them as being set aside by God for ministry) and most importantly, only one out of the entire bunch has ever pastored a church in North America! Your CMA team excepted of course, because all three of these minimal requirements, are true of all CMA personnel here in the Hairy Armpit! But how can Missional Organizations expect to plant churches with people who don't understand how a church functions in the beginning? But that is exactly what most of these 45 missionaries are trying to do in the Hairy Armpit! Amazing!

Frankly I do not know what I would have done (besides quit immediately, and I still may) without our CMA team here, our Field Director especially. Just the insight and understanding that comes from having been a pastor is priceless when you are given an instant church to lead! The CMA sends out the best and the brightest, and I really appreciate this aspect of our organization . . . now more than ever! We are the champions in terms of personnel. I see this in my CMA co-workers on other Fields as well. I always have to stay on my toes with them, because most of them are smarter and wiser than I am. I learn so much from them each time I have the opportunity to work with them on a team or cross-pollinate with them at a transition point in the boarding school cycle. Thank you Lord for the CMA! Now I wonder . . . can the best become better?

Some advantages of boarding school

The most significant event that boarding schools may offer is the chance for the parents to sit down together (I am talking about from our organization here) and cross-pollinate one another. There is nothing quite as healthy and as satisfying as discussing, agreeing and disagreeing about the work that we are all involved in. What is even more fascinating is how encouraging it is to discover that your frustrations, struggles and challenges are shared by almost one and all. There is some form of deep comfort in that.

For instance, on this trip to Black Forest Academy thus far I have learned that a leader on another Field is struggling with many of the same issues that plague me in terms of job-related issues and stage of life issues.

Another missionary and I agreed together that the Western church spends way too much money on herself and gives far too little to the rest of the body of Christ! Moreover that the CMA should officially revisit her Victorian-era missiology and begin supporting the work and the workers around the world. (we currently have a policy of not supporting national workers)

Another missionary and I agreed on this trip that the CMA could be a far more powerful organization were we Christo-centric, rather than Ecclesio-centric in our theology/missiology/practice. This would greatly expand our influence in the Kingdom of God rather than keeping us focused only on church planting activities. There are many powerful reasons for moving in this direction (not the least of which is that church planting is never mentioned in the scriptures). Best of all being Christo-centric does not inhibit us from planting churches too, yet it opens many other doors and avenues to accomplishing the Great Commission, which incidentally is making disciples, not planting churches.

Another missionary and I agreed that our parent organization consistently confuses administration with leadership. What this means is that our organization chooses the safest people to be administrators and then we call what they do each day (administrate the organization) leadership. Leadership is sometimes administrative granted, but mostly it is something completely other. Leadership is where the risk-takers and the "infantry" (as my friend called them) live. It has high risk of failure, it is usually resisted, usually makes waves, it is entrepreneurial and chancy, and its where our best ideas come from -- in practice. Administrators are rarely those people, because our organization rarely chooses such people to administrate because they are way too risky, and plus frankly, none of them would take the current administration roles to begin with . . . boring. At the same time, we consistently see the administration role framed as a leadership role. It certainly could be, but most often isn't.

These are a sampling of the currents running through our missionaries. It was a bit shocking to discover that there is far more continuity among the grunt missionaries than I ever thought. We weren't always making a judgment, but rather simply agreeing that this is what is, in our organization. There is a good reason for boarding schools after all.

still hating? Part three and the last

This is a heart blog . . .

Much of the missionary kid boarding school philosophy is built upon two erroneous presuppositions; one that kids at home hinder ministry, two that the task is more important than the kids themselves (although the later one is framed in much milder language generally, e.g. that the task of world evangelism is so important than everyone must make sacrifices, etc, etc).

Now granted, my parent organization finally came into the 20th century and offers their missionaries multiple mk educational options . . . now, but that is a recent innovation. But back in the not so recent past, we were required to send our kids to boarding school . . . under the pretense of it being the best decision for the kids. The reality was that the view at the top of our leadership pinnacle was that kids got in the way of missionaries working hard . . . and honestly, they do.

That's right, they do. You can't work 72-80 hour weeks when you have kids at home. But seriously, this blog is not about the culpability of my parent organization in requiring us to send our little six year old first graders to boarding school two time zones away. This blog is a recrimination of the parents that allowed this behavior to be foisted on their families and especially on their children. I am upset wih me, not the CMA.

I am upset with my acceptance of a missiology, ecclesiology, theology and eschatology than believes that the sacrifice inflicted upon families for the sake of evangelizing and church planting is more important than the families themselves.

I am upset with my weakness of character that allowed my obviously notreadyforboardingschool child be shipped out to boarding school at the age of six years old. He was back home by the half way point of the year . . . and we were home on early home assignment by that summer, because something was clearly defective in Brenda and I as parents since we had a child who was not boarding school friendly. The mission was right, we were defective . . . not because my child did not suceed at boarding school, but because I allowed him to go when he was so clearly not ready. Bad parenting Dave!

I am upset that I exchanged their childhoods for the cause. Now I will say the cause has value . . . but it is not worthy (often) of the price it extracts. Their childhoods are gone forever. The Cause will always be here, its like the poor in the New Testament - always with us.

Most of all I regret that they had to move so often, go to so many different schools, have so few stable relationships in their lives. What a loss. Yes they did make some gains . . . but the verdict remains out on the value of those potential gains, while the losses pile up.

My painfully learned wisdom to those who would like to learn from my mistakes, is do what is right for your child, not what is right for your organization or the cause.

The days I hate God part two

Well I admitted readily enough yesterday that there are moments that it feels like I hate God or at the least I hate what He requires of me. So the typical question is why keep doing this?

Well it is a good question and one I wish had a simple answer to . . . its much like the mother who gives up the child that she loves, for the good of the child not thinking too much about the loss that the child's absence will cause the parent. Miroslav Volf speaks about this in his latest book Free of Charge . . . you should read this book.

Some would argue that God allows/permits me to struggle in my hate/need relationship with Him and that this leads to real love and devotion. I am not sure that God permitting/allowing me to admit my struggle with Him has anything to do with me in the least.

It seems that it is merely part of His nature, not some special allowance He is granting me. It is as natural for God to give and forgive as it is for a fish to swim, and the wind to blow. I don't think God sits around gauging our every nuance and motive . . . it seems much more plausible that it just flows from Him. For that I am very grateful.

This is why I need Him so much, because I am so not like that at all. On the other hand, nor is it reasonable to think that I will ever become like Him in any significant manner. This is one area where the West and the East are in opposite ends of the theological perspective. In the West I have always been taught that one of the primary goals of the spiritual journey is to become like Jesus. People from the East laugh at such sentiments. They consider God to be such Other that me becoming like Him is like much more difficult than me flying to Mars tomorrow with my own wings. There is a greater chance of me becoming the president of the United States of America as the Green Party candidate, than me becoming Christ-like. What complete arrogance on our part!

So in the end does God understand my angst? Well of course He does, He is God. Does He have much patience for my silly hatreds and resistance? I don't know, but will soon probably find out.

The days you hate God and need Him most

There are days I hate God. At least if I am honest, that is what it feels like. Because I do not in any form or fashion like what He is asking me to do. Mind you He is not asking me in a really direct manner, but rather, He has me pinned in and there are no other choices.

Like for instance, I hate God on sendyourkidsbacktoboaringschool days . . . like today. The house was a home for three weeks, filled with screaming yelling laughing kids and activity. Now its just a building. It's empty. The kid's have gone away to the regions beyond us and are now our kids and boarding school students. We don't see them for months and months at a time and it just isn't the same. If I do what I do . . . be a missionary . . . then God has me pretty pinned in, and I do not like Him on days like today. I hate what this costs, and don't really know if it is worth it.

These are also the days that I need Him most, because He is only one who can comfort me through this. I am glad that He is bigger than me.

greed and incompetence

There are many factors at play in the world today. Greed and incompetence are two that are at play in every culture and place on earth it seems. Greed - there are those who are simply not concerned about any other factor other than their own situation. It is entirely about them . . . at every level. There is actually no other element to those folks, except themselves. Greed. We don't have much tolerance for these types of folks, yet how do they continue to proliferate?

The other side is incompetence. We generally have more patience with these folks because they are often nice people who have the best intentions. But incompetence is a plague on this world. Poor quality, shoddy work, marginal materials, missed schedules and timelines, and outright lies are part and parcel of this phenomena. If you have ever lived in the third world, you live with the results of greed and incompetence every day. It ain't much fun.

Outcomes are what we are talking about. The outcome from greed and /or incompetence is exactly the same - bad. The person paying for it loses every time. While in North America you have to watch out for greed and incompetence to a point, yet for the most part there is a judicial system in place, along with contracts and laws, that are designed to protect both parties. None of that exists here. Oh, we have a judiciary . . . but the person with the most power wins almost every single time . . . not the person who is in the right. And yes we have contracts here, but they are generally worth less than the paper they are written upon.

The saving grace in a place like the hairy armpit is the general honesty of the population. How many times have we lost something, or forgotten our purse or keys and have someone return them to us? I have lost count of the times, and that is good. Great even. Sunday, the kids went out of the house and left our front door wide open. Five hours later when we came home, all was well (apart from having a cold house). But what I wouldn't give for a decent plumber who can listen, and actually admit when he is wrong and has no idea what he is doing.

A New Year - a miserable day

The monumental effort it took to open my eyelid a crack should have forewarned me that this was a tough start to a new year. The cracked eyelid let a margin of very painful light into my brain. Suddenly I realized that the air moving over my alveoli inside my lungs hurt. My head was a powder keg filled with pressure and every move and thought was like a match that threaten to blow it all the way back to its Maker. It hurt to think thoughts.

Now I should have expected this, since four of the five of us are sick and hacking up pieces of our lungs in the form of coughing. So far only Jake is immune. But I can’t believe how long it took me to get from the bed to downstairs . . . where I just had to stop and rest once I got there.

I know you will be convinced that I am a lunatic after confessing this, but I forced, and I mean forced myself to set up the trainer and get on the bike, even though I was sure I was going to hurl at any moment. While I don’t really enjoying working out that much, it almost always makes me feel better (endomorphins are powerful critters) and in the end I am glad I did. Not this day.

I made it for about 30 minutes and that was the end. I was sure I was going to die. When sweating does not help you, you are genuinely sick. There is no doubt. I dragged myself back upstairs and took a quick shower, got dressed, fell/shuffled back downstairs and decided to rest for a moment on the couch. Next thing I know, it’s three hours later and the whole family is up.

I felt marginally better, e.g. thoughts in my brain no longer caused actual pain, but still . . . if I could have rewound time back to the last week in 2006, I would have. But thank the Lord, today January 2nd, I can open my eyes all the way without a laser beam killing me, and my head is only 4/5 full of gunpowder. There is hope for 2007.

peering through the pigs

I could not see the woman who was handling my order request. She was on the other side of the pigs. A whole curtain of piglets were hanging upside down between us. There must have been 20 piglets, and 10 lambs hanging there, freshly dressed and cleaned for public consumption as New Year's approaches. The store was so full of people that you could not move down the aisles. I informed Brenda when Jake and I got home, that I refuse to set foot in that grocery store again, until January 2nd. But the wall of pigs was amazing. You literally could not see or talk to the butchers on the other side of the pig curtain. They had to separate several of the pigs to peer out and get your order. Me? I just wanted some ground beef so that I could grill out some hamburgers! Jake was impressed that when we checked out (finally) we received two gratis bottles of local wines to go with our purchases. One needs to be prepared in this part of the world for New Years, which is arguably the most important holiday there is in Slavic cultures.

Peering through the pigs, (Jake's words to be precise), paints an excellent picture of what celebration looks like in this part of the world. There is something super special about roasting a suckling pig on an open fire. It is considered to be the best all of possible celebration entrees. On the other hand I have never seen so many of them hanging at once.

I think Jesus enjoys our celebrating life, another year, relationships and community. Why wouldn't He . . . He is one who gave us the opportunity to peer through the pigs again. But most of all, I think He wants us to celebrate Him. Happy New years!

making music or history?

We went to the New Year concert of the National Philharmonic Orchestra last night. Johann Strauss never sounded so good. It was glorious! Close your eyes and it was more than easy to feel like you were in some large ballroom in Vienna in 1839. It was very moving. I have listened to classical music most of life (not exclusively of course), but this was the first time I had the opportunity to go to a concert and enjoy the experience live. Wow, what a difference.

I wonder what it would be like to create something that is played, reviewed, read or enjoyed 108 years after I die? Is that making music, or history? I think there is a good lesson here for me. Far far far too much of my daily energy goes toward . . . well, daily momentary temporary activities. Hey you gotta live . . . . But seriously, how do you step back away from the daily grind and see the overriding themes and movements (music remember) of life and our participation in the flow of history, how do you find/get/discover/receive this kind of perspective? I think we all desperately need it.

I am a hacker musician. I lead the worship in our burgeoning church plant here in Skopje. My 12 string guitar is known occasionally for making a beautiful sound, my voice even less so . . . but after last night, I am embarrassed to open the guitar case this morning. Unfortunately, Sunday's coming. So I am more than certain (well as certain as one can be see previous post) that if I make history it will not be with my guitar. It is more likely with my relationships. After the concert 7 of us went out for food and drinks and we sat and talked and sharpened one another until after midnight. I admit that I enjoyed the power and majesty of the concert more than the hard work of listening to people and facilitating them. But if I ever make history, then I need to be able to see that I will never play in the philharmonic orchestra, but . . . its down right weird how much people want to hang out with me. Its probably because they are trying to figure me out because I SO don't fit into any of their boxes, but still that's who I am and I am fairly comfortable in my own skin, long hair, earrings and all.

Now where can I get that perspective I need?

certainty about certainty

Of this one thing we can be certain, that there is too much certainty in our practice of faith. Homosexuality and abortion would be just two of such issues that we are far too certain about. I am not saying that our POV (point of view) is completely invalid. But I am saying that many of the Christians around the world do not agree with our oversimplification of most issues that have such high socio-cultural factors.

For instance, I am currently leading a congregation of Internationals in Eastern Europe. I have discovered that our Western European brothers and sisters do not agree with the standard homophobia of the United States religious right, nor do they view abortion in the tightly black and white frames that the Family in the USA views this subject. Our European Christians view both of these supposedly black and white issues with far more compassion (and ambiguity) than we Americans generally do.

Their compassion does not make them right and Americans wrong, but neither is their moral arrogance (certainty that they are right) remotely on the same scale as the American one. I find it appalling when I meet those who are the most anti-abortional and they can give me no biblical basis for it. I did not say that there was no biblical basis for an anti-abortion stance, but rather that few seem to be able explain it in a cohesive scriptural manner why we should be strongly against abortion. It seems that many of us have just accepted Dobson's position or someone else's position without doing any of the hard thinking ourselves. It seems that we have been influenced by the political religious right much more than we have by what God states about it. The online discussions about these matters are disturbing. Abortion is a far more complex subject than just killing the unborn. If we really think abortion to be wrong, should we not be more for adoption, and let that compassion lead our anti-abortion position? (Imagine actually doing something positive rather than just vilifying everyone who opposes your POV!) Our European Family would say that what we are for is much more important than what we are against.

Concerning the homophobia of the US church, our European Family just states the apparent truth of Scripture, that Jesus both loves them and died for them as well as me. How can I not be as compassionate toward them as any other "sinner", of which I very well may be the worse? I think Jesus would approve of this approach. The certainty that we have about our certainly, makes much of what we believe to be fact, suspect. Religious certainty as with any other certainty needs to be grounded in actual study, not what I am told from the sermon on Sunday nor what I hear on Christian radio (whatever a christian radio is).

I have to admit, that we have blended families, divided families, lost families, live-together families and every other type of family coming to our International fellowship. Some of you might say, "now I understand why that David has gone liberal on us" and some of you might think that the context I am working in has influenced my ability to discern the black and white of God's word. I am not nor has it, but I do think the Europeans are more mature than we Americans are, in that they are wise enough to see the love and compassion of God, and they are willing to model it and express it. I think it was my grandmother who said to me, that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

It seems that our certainty is tied to our feelings much more than our study and learning. I have feelings too . . . and strong ones frankly. One of those strong feelings is that I am married to an awesome woman . . . but it is rooted in 20 years of learning, not feelings only. Other than this, I am certain that I cannot be too certain about most certainties.

online living

The brave new world, where life is measured in bandwidth and gigabyte limits from your internet provider. We talk to our loved one's via the web and the handiest little program in the world called Skype. We buy Christmas presents, anniversary presents, and birthday presents, all via the web. We communicate through email about a 1000 times for frequently than through snail mail. We are able to "keep up" with American football, via iTunes and our weekly dosage of "NFL Game Day". I even took photos from my iPhotos program, created a photo book on the computer and then uploaded it to Apple, and they (for a fee of course) printed out the photos that I uploaded and placed them in the correct place in the book that I had created and then mailed them to our family just in time for Christmas. All of this happens via the web/internet.

It has changed the very manner in which we live, and I would generally consider most of the previous paragraph, positive things in our lives. We are much closer to family, and more importantly in much tighter contact with them, than before the web became such a part of our lives. I am what is known as an "early adopter" and this often leads me (us, we) to a richer fuller life. We are not interesting in going any other direction than toward more and better technology.

On the other hand, there is a potentially terrible price to pay for this online life. You can actually miss all the relationships that are right next to you. You can substitute talking to real people by maintaining online relationships and life. I don't really know people who do this on a regular basis, but I frequently caution myself in this area. Virtual living could easily become too much the real life, rather than real life being the real life. So I make a serious and honest effort, to close the computer, go outside and take a walk and breath real air, and talk to real people and live a real life. Virtual life is far too dangerous, because it is scriptable, and not nearly volatile enough to stretch and grow me as a person.

Soooooo . . . I'll see you later, it's time to take a walk outside.

lousy preaching - lazy preachers

My grandfather is convinced that I only work one day per week and that only for 30 minutes. In his estimation I have the easiest job in the entire world. Little does he know. Luke 2 . . . the great debate! It confuses the date of Jesus' birth! This text was the basis for Sunday's message. There was probably at least 10 hours lost on the problems that the Quirinius debate creates from this passage. Long problem short is that Quirinius did not become the "governor of Syria" until the year 6 AD. This significantly delays the dates of Jesus' birth and creates other problems as well. Its a real dilemma in the text.

Thankfully there seems to be a resurgence today of exegetical preaching in churches. Exegesis is basically understanding the text on the basis of the text itself. It often follows a verse by verse format and lets the text say what it says. This is a great way to release God's Word and let it be God's world . . . but it requires a large time frame and a concentrated study approach. Grandpa is wrong if he thinks a preacher only works 30 minutes per week . . . at least if we are talking about exegetical preaching. That is as hard of work as you can find anywhere. If you don't believe me, just try to solve the riddles of the dilemma presented above in relationship to Quirinius and the birth of Christ from the Gospel of Luke.

Eisegesis is the more common pattern of preaching where your own subjective understanding is read into a text, rather than searching for the objective meaning of the text. This is the kind of preaching I grew up with and results can be downright strange. I still remember churches that buried their communion elements after the service in order that no one take the elements "unworthily". Or pastors that got up and condemned women for speaking in church, or a hundred other such weirdism that come from not studying . . . although they had often memorized the passages, they could not understand the underlying intentions and meanings and plays on words that come alive for Greek and Hebrew students.

On the other hand, it seems that scholarly pursuits seem to wring passion out of the preacher until most of them have understanding of the text, but no longer understanding of the people they are trying to communicate that text TO! Herein lies the goal of most successful communicators today, to find the right balance between those two perspectives. Yet 25 years of doing this has convinced me that the listener is far more critical to the success of the preacher than the preacher himself or herself. If the listener is prepared to listen and learn and hear from God, then even a less than perfect product of communication still accomplishes much.

I think grandpa is wrong for the most part. There isn't much lousy preaching out there, and even fewer lazy preachers . . . it is simply too much work . . . the weak of heart give up soon. Maybe I will invite grandpa to speak for me next week in church.

The first noel?

She hates this song. There is no other way to describe how Heidi feels about playing this song in the worship set on Sunday. It is challenging in a number of ways, but I really want to include Heidi while she is here with us for Christmas break from college. I too get weary of playing each Sunday and the the weekly practice that goes into leading a worship team. Frankly, I am in way way over my head here . . . but what are you to do, when you are the only who plays?

Sometimes my spiritual life feels this way . . . that I am in way over my head and that I have no business what so ever being involved in the ministries that I am leading. As I heard it said once last year by some pastor, "My gifting and skills have carried me much further than my character can sustain me." This is generally a true statement. I can understand that Heidi does not want to play a song that is beyond her skill levels. Unfortunately, I feel that I live beyond my skill level almost every day.

I wonder what God's plans are somedays, when He has us out there on the edge and working way beyond our abilities. I know that many of you may want to spiritualize this and suggest that this is where God wants us to be, in order for His power and glory to shine. But don't you think that incompetence is not something that we should spiritualize? Don't you wish that your pastor would get up and tell the truth . . . that he does not have a real sermon prepared because he has been most unholy and sorely tried this week, and that to preach a message would be hypocritical? Or perhaps not. I know most of the people I work with, prefer not to hear the truth. They rather believe that I am 10 feet tall and bulletproof in a spiritual sense. What a sad day this is . . . when spiritual leaders have no place to turn to and no one to be honest with . . . on the other hand, Sunday's coming and you had better have something ready to go . . . or else.

The chaos of teenagers

The quiet orderly life pursued by many Christians is not obtainable by people who have teenagers. Peace of that nature when you have three teenagers is as elusive as a suntan in a snow storm. It just isn't going to happen. But let's be honest here, peace and quiet are way overrated. That is the stuff for mortuaries and funerals. If you want to live then embrace the chaos!

In case you can't tell, my kids are home for the Christmas holidays and I am in heaven (or as close as one gets while here on earth). I work in a funeral parlor. My office I mean is like a funeral parlor when the kids aren't home. Brenda is great fun and she makes me laugh, but we are so busy going opposite directions 3/4's of the time, that we don't see each other that much throughout the day. But when the kids are home, I can't get a single thing done and I love it.

And it's even better now that they are old enough to go with me and hang, while I am working with people or stuff. It is wonderful to have them along, and to go along with them as they do stuff. I did that tonight and I met some lovely people that I had been trying to find for a long time. I can't get a single thing done and it's wonderful, and being together is just simply the best.

the midwives are coming - part 2 dva

It was a wild party. What do you expect with 30 midwives here? The house smells like a pack of Lucky Strikes this morning. Even though it is cold out, we opened the doors and windows and aired it out. But with 15 people smoking non-stop for 2 plus hours . . . it's going to take longer this time than usual to air out. Shoot by the time we get the smell out of the house, we will have another group here and it will begin again. Anyhoo here in this photo you can get a sense of how crowded our house was last night . . .















But that is what relationships look like when you are dealing with non-praying people . . . it took a long time for us to determine that we wanted nothing to stand in the way of relationships at a human level. What that means in the end is that none of my life preferences (smoking, drinking, dress, language, sexual orientation, etc, etc) can ever take priority over relationship.

. . . . and you can see from these two photos how much fun they were having playing games and laughing together . . .















It was clear and obvious how much these ladies love Brenda and so when it came time for the most important moment of the night, the midwives were listening so carefully to her testimony. It was the only five minutes of the entire evening when it was quiet. The rest of the night was total bedlam in typical Macedonian fashion. Here is a photo of Brenda giving her personal story of God.


















I hope that you will join in with us praying for these girls . . . who are such lovely people, but so far from the Savior.

here come the midwives

I am still trying to figure out why a man would become a midwife, but we know two! They along with who knows how many other midwives are coming to our house in about 2 hours. This evening may prove to be a little frightening. Brenda teaches evangelistic English classes at several local hospitals, but only to midwives. The other nurses get a little bent about it, but these folks work hard at learning English, and we are thrilled that they are reading from the Gospel of Luke in order to do it.

CAMA services started working with the nurses here in Macedonia 7 years ago, and the relationship just keeps getting warmer and warmer. Some of them have actually come into the Family and our sincerest prayer is that far more do. Brenda is in high demand as a native English speaker who teaches English, and there are other hospitals asking (demanding!) for her to come. Unfortunately, she is already beyond her maximum load work-wise and simply has no more possible hours left to teach. Anyone want to come work with us? We will put you to the grind immediately :-)

This evening may be a little frightening because I don't think we have ever had so many women in our house at one time before. As time wears on here in Macedonia, more and more I am becoming known as "Brenda's Husband". Most people don't think I have a name any longer, . . . just call me "Brenda's Husband." My wife may be the most well known foreigner in the whole country. She teaches everywhere, and people don't care who I am until they realize that I have some connection to their beloved teacher! That's what I get for living on the road. Tonight my primary responsibilities are to smile, serve coffee (or whatever other poison they want), keep the ash trays empty, and take photos. Maybe I will post one or two tomorrow. I still don't know what language we will be speaking with folks yet, because I have not met any of these midwives . . . but I can't wait to meet the two fellows . . . I am flabbergasted by a man who chooses to work in a uniquely female profession, and along side of only women. When do they ever have manly conversations? Haven't these fellows ever heard of Tarzan or Conan?

those who have bills to pay and those who don't

It was a typical Monday morning for me, grab some money, head to the exchange office and get those Euros changed into Denars, and then off to the post office where you pay all your bills in one place. Like I said it was a typical Monday morning and the typical crowd was sitting at the entrance to the post office . . . sitting mostly on cardboard boxes. I have always wondered why they beg for money in front of the Post Office?

At times I can be really slow and not very bright . . . and while I was counting my change after paying my bills, it finally occurred to me why they sit in front of the Post Office. Its because those who have bills to pay, are people who have money. The ones begging are so poor, they have no bills to pay. "Not possible David!" you might say, but yet it is. They have no mortgage because they do not own the property where they have constructed their little house . . . they are squatters. They pay no water bill because they have no running water in their house . . . they steal it from someone else's house, or they get water from the river. They have no sewage bill, because they have no toilet in the house. They all use outhouses . . . if anything at all. They have no electricity bills because they are stealing the electricity from someone else nearby, or simply do without. Renegade usage of electricity is a huge challenge here. They have no heating bill, because they burn scraps, or once again do without. And finally they have no garbage pick-up charges, because they themselves pick through the garbage every day, week after week. Trust me, it is perfectly possible to live and have no bills, because you have no resources, and you do not have the basic necessities of life.

It has been said that America's poor are far better off than the poor elsewhere . . . and that may be more true than we realize. At least our poor have bills to pay. As I left the post office, who would have ever thought that I would be glad, really glad for all those expensive bills?