Technology failures in the hairy armpit

This was not a good day for electronics in Eastern Europe. I got up early to go to the police station (see previous blog) and spent an hour working before going there and all was well. Came home and the router was blown out completely, e.g. dead dead dead. So off the the store to get a new one . . . ouch! $200 plus dollars for a router . . . why do electronics cost so much more here? Anyhoo, thank the Lord that I could even get one!

And then tonight in the middle of working on a sermon for this weekend, my Palm dies! And we are talking about completely dead here, not partially dead, not comatose, not in pain, dead pure and simple dead. As in nothing happens at all under any circumstance no matter what you try. Now I have to figure out a way to get that silly piece of equipment back to the States so that I can get another one (since it is still under warranty). Unfortunately I use this Palm everyday, and in multiple ways, e.g. I do my devo’s on this girl everyday, write most of my blogs when stuck in traffic, reference calendars, contacts and to-do’s all throughout the day. I am going to have to figure out a different way to work my information issues and data issues now. What a total drag . . . it will take six months for me to work everything out again and get up and running.

This is what it is like having technology failures in the hairy armpit of the earth. I had a good friend Jeff write me recently about a “scare” that they had with some computer glitch or something. I told him, it’s not a “scare” when you are living in the good ‘ole USA. It’s a nightmare when you are living here though. FedEx wants $54.00 to send the palm to the States! Yikes, it’s a good thing that I am patient enough to compensate for not being rich.

I am so glad that God does not use nor need electronics to keep heaven and us going. What a terrible gig it would be to died, approach the Pearly Gates and find out you have to wait to come in because of some computer glitch or some silly thing like that! Can you imagine? I am further pleased to report that although the power was out this morning, that my prayers still worked fine. There are no technology failures in heaven. Aren’t you glad?

The police

No I don’t mean the musical group. I mean the uniformed group who throw their weight around and around and around. Its rarely fun at the police station and this morning was no exception. It seems police everywhere in this part of the world utilize the waiting game. Now at least I was there for a legitimate reason today . . . we were working on getting our visas for the coming year. But I could not fail to notice how you have to keep a respectful distance from the officer, how you have to use a submissive voice, and often you could be asked which political party you are affiliated with! The level of hassle from the officer you get by chance today, most likely will relate to this last question.

Going through the almost constant process of visa-mongering . . . that process that never ends in our search for legal papers to stay in-country . . . we learn well how to relate to the police and other government officials. An amazing amount of time is lost every year by us and our partners as we continually fight for visas. In fact Brenda and I are planning to attempt gaining Macedonian passports once again this year. We are entering our eighth year here visa-wise and there is a chance we can gain citizenship, which would bring a wonderful stop to the never-ending visa process.

I am thrilled that the Kingdom of God works so much better than this process. There is no constant supplication to stay in the Kingdom once there. If you are there, you are there! No yearly applications to prolong our stay, no begging and no repetitive documents to complete in order to appease some red-tape-loving politician. Just love God and love His world and love His people, and enjoy the stay

Labor Day

I am a bit confused . . . which is no surprise to those of you who know me well . . . but I thought Labor Day was supposed to be a labor stoppage day in celebration of, well, labor. Then why am I working like this?? I guess since Macedonia does not have a Labor Day holiday, folks here are working like a regular day.

Many people here unfortunately do have a job and thus have no labor, at least the variety that produces income and a livelihood. We have an incredible unemployment rate (officially) at 37.7% for the whole country, but the ethnic minority communities suffer far worse levels. According to EU documents the Gypsy unemployment rate is an astounding 78.5%! These unemployment rates have steadily climbed over the last 30 years and show no sign of stopping. Even more critical than the unemployment rates, are the statistics that show 55.1% of the entire population live below the human poverty line. When the annual average income is less than $1800.00 per year, you can imagine what that really means.

Below is the most condemning visual you can imagine. It shows the world’s population by fifths, and how much of the world’s resources each fifth consumes. This balloon is a result of a “more for me” mentality that covers the West. Notice please that the poorest 3/5ths of the world’s population consumes only 6.6% of the world’s resources. That means almost 4 BILLION people live on 6.6% of the world’s resources . . . I am thankful for Labor Day and that I have labor to perform today. That I can have something for my family, but also for many other families. "For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”

What to talk to teens about?

What do you talk to youth about today? Here, one could be highly tempted to talk about super-tight form fitting clothes, or sex or drugs and laziness. Those are big issues here. But this is the not the approach that builds team, warm feelings and significant change, anyone can be negative, but what about a positive approach? So instead, Brenda and I talked to the kids at the Youth Camp about:

1. Who are you in Christ?
2. What God is calling you to do?
3. Where God is calling you to do it?
4. Does God lead you personally?
5. What does character have to do with Life?

It struck me as we were working through these issues together, that much of this material still needs to be applied in my life, not only in the lives of these teenagers! So much for the idea that "youth" need special messages . . . I still need those same messages today and I ain't no youth.

How to stay clean in the garbage can?

Well the youth camp is going well and we are having a great time studying God's word together . . . but teaching holy living in today's world is much like teaching them how to stay clean in a garbage container! And the Eastern European garbage container is worse than most. Clearly none of us can do this apart from the power of God.

One of the themes we had this camp was Ephesians 2:10. This verse has all kinds of depth and layers to it, but the most interesting thing seems to be that God has prepared specific tasks for each of us to accomplish. Now what exactly does this mean? It says that God has prepared these good works in advance for us to accomplish. Moreover it seems clear that each individual has individual tasks that God has personally prepared for them to do. I guess you can choose to be excited about God’s direct involvement or angry about it, but it doesn’t really matter, He HAS prepared these tasks for you to do.

Some people have a problem with God mapping this out like this . . . but I think you had better get over it.

The bottom line is that God has things for us do . . . are we doing them?

pain beauty and wonder

Yes sir, all three, at the same time. Pain first and because it is the most raw. Up at 4:25 this morning for my least favorite day out of the whole year . . . kids back-to-boarding-school-time, for four months :-( What a complete pain in the gunnar. Just ain’t no way to see it otherwise.

Beauty. Well needless to say, the ride home from the airport this morning was less than a cheerful affair. I was thinking to myself, “Hey Aderholdt, why can’t you get like a normal job?” and in general hating what I had just done and thinking about how I might could undo it . . . when in the Western sky appears a rainbow. No rain, although there were some clouds, it was like the most unlikely event you could imagine at that moment. God trying to cheer me up I guess . . . it sure was beautiful.

Wonder. Today is, on top of all these other things, our 20th Anniversary. Got to have a sense of wonder about that . . . Brenda staying with me 20 years! Amazing. We have to be the most unlikely couple on the entire planet. She is the sweetest thing. Literally, in 20 years of marriage I have only met 2 people that did not like her and most people think she is the fourth person of the Trinity. Me, well I am the saltiest of the salty dogs, snowboarding, scuba-diving, earring wearing guy out there on the edge. She could star in a Little House on the Prairie flick, and be the old fashioned one even in that time period. I could star in the Fifth Element and seem a little futuristic even in that time period . . . how the two of us got married and stayed married is entrancing. It gives you a sense of wonder about what love can do and does.

Now we gotta get in the car and drive three hours south and do a youth camp for the next three days! Are we crazy or what? Some anniversary gift huh? I will blog about it when we get back Saturday evening.

Viciously cut

We are passing several milestones this week, the best one being that Wednesday is our 20th Anniversary, and the second milestone that is pretty significant as well, is that we have begun living in the same house for a third year! We have never lived at the same address for longer than two years at anytime in our 20 years of roaming this planet as a married couple. It seems amazing that this could happen, but two years was, until this month, the longest that we had ever lived in the same place (house, town, city, etc) without a move to somewhere else.

I could probably spend a couple of weeks telling you what this constant flux in our lives has taught us and costs us, perhaps especially the children, but that is not the point of this particular blog. This blog is about sweet fruit and being viciously cut. When we moved into this house in Skopje, the front parking area had a grapevine trellis as does many of the homes here in the former Yugoslavia. (Wine is Macedonia’s number two export). So while we had the trellis, we had no grapes and no grapevines and I asked the landlord about why this was so. He took me to one corner of the yard and showed me the grapevine stub.

It was a stub because they had cut the vine back all the way to the root! This was no trim job nor was it a pruning of bad vines, nor was it a decent shearing. This vine had been viciously cut back all the way to the ground. I asked Olgitsa why they had dealt so harshly with the vine and she told me, because it had stopped bearing sweet fruit, and then it had stopped bearing fruit at all! The only way to save the vine and have it possibly produce sweet fruit ever again, was to viciously cut it.

And today, two years later, I cut grapes off this vine and I ate them while sitting at my kitchen table. Olgitsa was correct in her remedy for a vine that produced poor fruit and then no fruit at all. A vicious cutting to the very root was the only way to jump start good production once again. Here is a picture of my grapes on the vine!

It was a rich reminder of John 15 isn’t it? “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” I have a feeling that much of the difficulties that come our way in life are a result of a vicious cutting. Cut to the quick as we used to say. And while this is more painful than we think we can bear, two years later comes the sweetest juiciest fruit you can imagine.

Day Five - the dark night on the river

In retrospect it was a very foolish idea. Of course the fact that we had no flashlight nor boat lights made a dark dark night seem inky black. Added to this foolishness was the difficulties that we had been having all week navigating the low water and huge boulders . . . and now trying to do that in the dark? Foolish indeed.

But it was also very special. It smelled crisp and tight as only dusk on the water can. The air and sounds were so much more in the dark. Bats were buzzing the boat and were startling in how they almost made physical contact with us in their swoops for insects. The owls were out in force, the loons and seagulls gone for the night. It was very peaceful, of course until we reached fast water and then it became . . . interesting.

Surprisingly we hit bottom very very little compared to the next day, when in the bright bright sunlight of the morning we bottomed out over and over over the exact same stretch of river. The lesson for me was this; I can often be far more successful in navigating the waters of life, when I cannot see all of the potential hazards, obstacles and challenges ahead. Instead, I might find the right path much more by faith than with my eyes.

Day Four - The Rescue

This was an amazing day on 8/20/06. We caught everything you can imagine, small mouth bass, large-mouth bass, a mussel shell, a rock (got wedged into my lure in the most unlikely manner) and the most interesting catch of the day was a crayfish, a large one, which came in when Kimmy was checking up on why his minnow was not swimming around any longer. When he pulled the line in, the was a large crayfish gnawing away on Kimmy's minnow and he (the crayfish), was in no mood to let his supper go!

The section of the Susquehanna we fished today was a new section, filled with multiple water hazards and rapids. The river is incredibly wide, over 1/2 mile across most of the time, but when it is extra low like now, it creates some interesting rides over the rocks. There were also tons of canoes on the river today and few of the canoeists had not a single clue which end of the canoe was supposed to go down the river.

Late in the day in fact, we saw a swamped canoe with the canoeists waving their paddles. We came over to help them and it was a good thing we did. By the time we arrived at the rescue, two other canoes from their group were already there, but no one of them had a single idea about how to un-swamp the canoe and get their people back in there. Kimmy took care of that for them, pretty much all by himself. All I did was help one of them back into the canoe. I think they would still be in the water, although it is dark, had we not stopped to help.

God does this to me all the time. I need rescuing every day and almost never have a clue how to extricate myself from whatever I have gotten myself into. I get the feeling that God rescues me much in the same matter-of-fact way Kimmy emptied these poor canoeist-wannabe’s canoe of water. Then they were as good as new and ready to go again.

The keyfinder

I have had some pretty large miracles come my way in these last 44 years, healed twice from critical medical problems, saved from many a near-death crash (mostly on roads in Eastern Europe), but there are other types of miracles, and none the less spectacular, even if the immediate consequences may have been smaller.

Last year I can tell you that the winner of the miraculous moment (outside of spiritual affairs) was finding a lost contact lens in a huge apartment! This year it will undoubtedly be what happened today. I just returned from the States settling Heidi into college and I have a few days here with the other two kids before they leave for four months of school in Germany. So at Helen’s request, we went to Sveti Naum today, which is where Macedonia meets Albania in the southwest corner of the country. Lake Ohrid is great for swimming at this time of the year, although it is a little cold. Here is a picture for you, so that you can see that the lake is large indeed.


So we decided to make a day of it and we did. We went swimming and played ball and shopped and bargained with the sellers and in general were having a good time. Then I we were getting ready to move our gear back to the car when we realized that dad had made the ultimate boo-boo . . . I had the car key in my pocket when I went into the water and I lost it! In this huge incredibly large lake, I lost the one and only key to the car. The Peuguot’s have one special electronically matched key, and to get another one for the ignition, you have to go through a huge deal to get it! But that was not the worst of it, my wallet was locked in the glove compartment of the car! We had no cell phone with us, and even if I did, I have no one’s new number! No money, no car, no phone . . . we did what ever good missionary family would do . . . we all went back into the lake and began looking for the key.

I must admit that I prayed more this afternoon than I have most days this month. I have praised the Lord much this month for the beautiful creation He created, and I have prayed for Heidi as I left her in the States, but not as intensely as I prayed this afternoon. The timing was horrible with the kids needing to get back to Skopje and pack and mark their clothes and all the jazz related to moving back to boarding school, not to mention we had no extra clothes, no personal items . . . you get the picture.

I will admit that we all searched with a sincere and focused intensity, but let’s face its a small small key and a big big lake.

Jake found the key! Actually we all are certain that God lead Jake to the key, but the immensity of what happen is more than a bit breathtaking. I guess I needed a reminder that God cares about the little things too, and that a small key in a big lake is no challenge at all for Him. I wonder what other things He has done around me today that I did not notice?

Day Three - Rain and the River

Today was a good fishing day with a number of large fish as well as a few smaller ones. Our start this morning was very interesting because the water is so low! The water did not even reach the boat ramp. WE had to carry the boat out to the water and then walk the boat once it was in the water because the Susquehenna was so low. We were probable 50 yards from shore before the water was deep enough for us to get into the boat. But as I said, we caught some nice fish.

The weather was almost perfect . . . cloudy and windy which means it was cool and comfortable without sunglasses and a hat. The downside was the rain showers and when you have to put a stnky poncho or some rain gear on. Thank God we are in a camper and not a tent for tonight. It is supposed to rain some more.

The worse thing was that the battery cable broke off the truck and we had more than one scary moment when we could not get the truck cranked. I fact ultimately we had to go get a new battery. Tomoorw we are going to fish a new part of the river if we don't get rained out.

Day Two - Scrapple?

Scrapple is a simply horrible meal at anytime, but especially for breakfast. But in PA it is considered a treat, though I will never figure out why. But that is what Kimmy had for breakfast and I just happily settled for two eggs and no scrapple.

We got out on the water quite a bit later than we had anticipated, due to the fact that we could not find a boat ramp we were pleased with, but finally we did get out on the water and it was another glorious day. Of course we did not feel that way eight hours later when we got out of the boat back at camp. We were sun and wind beaten and ready to cook up some dinner.

Fishing tally for the day was much better than day one. We caught some nice fish and gently released them back into the river. Conversation tally for the day was excellent, discussing leadership issues for much of the day as well as what is the true nature of ministry, to which we decided the core of ministry is relationships, although it can be rare to see in the church.

We were wondering why it is rare to see relational leadership development in the church? Our conclusion was that the high demands on pastors and other leaders, works in opposition to relationships. I wonder how that could be changed? If you have ideas, feel free to post your comments here.

It was a good day on the Juniata River.

Turbulence

I don’t think I have ever been on such a consistently bumpy ride. As we crossed the Atlantic, it was like the airplane was actually on the ocean surface riding the waves . . . and they were rough seas. It made sermon writing difficult on the computer (I have a youth conference starting in less than a week!) because I kept hitting the wrong keys! In fact I have just re-wrote this sentence 4 times! I am afraid to take my hands off of the computer because it will probably fly across the cabin! I think the technical word for this flopping across the sky is turbulence. Well it matches my emotions pretty well.

I got Heidi settled into college, at least after a fashion . . . who knows where she will find the money to actually stay in college. Then I took a much needed week of vacation with my buddy Kimmy and we fished until my hands hurt from casting and retrieving, not to mention more than a few holes in my hand from hooks. And now I am in this turbulence tossed sardine-can, 5.5 miles above the planet surface and my heart is keeping pace with the plane turbulence. I haven’t started throwing up like others, but I might.

This emotional turbulence comes from living in two worlds. I am leaving the one where Heidi, my parents, my brother, my nieces are now living and Kimmy will fish without me for the next couple of years; and I am going to the other, where Jake, Helen and Brenda are waiting for me, youth conferences are waiting for me, students at the Theological Seminary are waiting for me. If I can speak frankly here (would you expect less?) I want to live in both. There are precious relationships in both worlds and I want it all. I do not want to have to choose one over the other, I do not want to have to stay in only one. I want it all (at least if I don’t fall out of this seat at any moment).

It seems like my spiritual life has lots of the same parallels. I want this world and the next, but unlike the dilemma I was describing above, I can’t keep a foot in both . . . spiritually this is an all or nothing gig. And just when I think I have decided which one I am going to throw everything I have toward, turbulence comes along and makes me sick and I can’t decide today . . . am I going to follow my heart or am I going to follow Jesus?

Day One - cut to ribbons

This is my vacation. Six days of fishing on two rivers, with no phones (well mostly no phones, or at least more technically it was never for me :-), no TV, no email, lots of sun, fresh air, camp food, a great friend and lots of deep conversations

The first day started out like most vacations, with it’s share of challenges. First off, we were using a borrowed jeep and a borrowed boat and the trailers lights were not compatible nor were the electric cables long enough. We engineered a temporary fix and off we were to the campsite.

Low water was what we found when we arrived. So low that we were more than a bit concerned about being able to fish! But I get ahead of myself. We arrived at the campsite which is located where the Juniata and Susquehanna rivers meet . . . which of course is primo to have TWO rivers to fish!

So we set up camp, paid our fees, got me a fishing license, put the boat into the water, and started exploring the river south of the camp. After about an hour of this, we found a stream which fed into the Susquehanna and found the water too shallow for the boat, so we got out of the boat and we walking in the water, fishing as we went.

This was the worst possible idea! It was beyond a bad idea . . . it was a horrible idea. The thousands (dare I suggest millions!) of small mussel shells along the bottom of the river soon had cut my bare feet (second bad idea!) to ribbons. I was almost in tears by the time I got back into the boat. What a way to start a fishing vacation, with bloody and bruised feet. Needless to say I used water-shoes religiously after the first day.

The lesson was simple . . . count the cost before you get out of the boat . . . and oh, Jesus is definitely asking each of us to get out of the boat!

Later that night around the campfire Kimmy and I continued our exploration of a dozen subjects like abuse, friends, women, kids, life present, life eternal and our role in these processes.

Tomorrow I will tell you about day two.

a lost child

This is the proof of a world gone mad. That a small 9 year old in the seat next to me is flying back to his "dad" in Washington . . . leaving behind his sister, mom and stepdad in Georgia. The tears he was crying as we sat on the runway and at the beginning of the flight would break the hardest heart.

What motives parents to do such thing to their children? How can mom put this boy on this flight and let him go back to where he does not want to be and where she cannot be a part of his everyday life? I guess it's not too much different from missionary life huh? Except we are doing it for the “greater cause” right? Sometimes I wonder if the greater good is not the kids themselves, rather than some grand task of world evangelization.

Having said that, I just got off the phone with my 17 year old college freshman daughter, and she is doing well. She is capable, sophisticated, deep, motivated and hard working. Now if I only were sure that is a result of her being an MK growing up in boarding schools, rather than the results of her mother’s genetic pool, I would feel alot better. Dear Lord may the next two little aderholdts do as well in the transition to the big world out there.

The crushing experiences of life

There may be no more painful process in the entire lifetime of a human being. Of course I haven’t lived a whole lifetime yet, so maybe there are more painful experiences coming, but this one ranks in the top five all-time for me in these past 44 years that I have lived. Dropping your kid off at college and driving away has got to be the total pits of allpits. Yes I am thrilled that she can manage without me and that she is independent and capable and all that jazz, but I hate more than words can say that I am STILL separated her! The pits! Wretchedness! I am 5000 miles away!

I know that this is supposedly proof of successful parenting, but why doesn’t feel better? Why can’t my kids live with me like a normal family? Why can’t I see my kids play sports and be in school plays and sing in the choir and play in the band and be a part of special music on Sunday mornings in church and sit down and have supper with them and tuck them into bed at night and on and on I could go . . . and you are probably sick to death of my peeing and moaning about this. Well get over it!

The eternal question is the same; is it worth it? Most days no, . . . some days, I guess. Now to add insult to injury, I get to fly back to Makedonut and spend 4 days with the kids still at home, before they leave for boarding school. Enough already!

rot or decay?

If I could have, I would have . . . laughed that is, but I had five (5) instruments of torture in my mouth,and laughing did not seem like a good idea right at that moment. But I was wondering how many more things could they fit into my mouth at once? No comments from the peanut gallery about how big my mouth is and all that jazz.

I felt like the 6 Million dollar man with all this high tech stuff in my mouth . . . all because of a bit of rot. Now, the polite word is decay. But that word is too passive by far. I had rot. More precisely a rotten tooth. Now I blame most of this on bad gene’s I inherited from my parents, because I do the brushy thing and the flossy thing very very regular . . . but still I get cavities. And I sat in that dentists chair for over two hours having the moisture sucked completely out of my body my that vacuum thingy they hung off my beard and in my mouth. I couldn’t produce spit for about six hours after leaving the “chair” because my mouth was so dry after that. Moreover they clamped rings on my teeth and drilled with oil rigging gear, and I swear, once he had a chain-saw in there cutting away ruthlessly at my rot. Even a day later (now that I can feel my nose once again) I still have that metallic taste of drills and saws in my mouth.

While I find the technological improvements of dental shops fascinating (see previous post) I have to admit that those two plus hours with four hands in my mouth, (not to mention two vacuums) all while the book of Revelation and the subject of eschatology was being discussed because of the events going on in Israel (and they kept expecting me to contribute to this conversation!), those two hours were not my idea of a happy day. But since I live in the hairy armpit of God’s beautiful universe, a smart fellow would get his teeth worked on in America when he had the chance. The real issue though was the rot.

You must, have to, are required to, are compelled to get rid of the rot in your mouth. If you don’t the consequences are immense! But it was no fun, not happy hour, not pleasant, not anything positive . . . except that now I have a rot-free mouth and I can go back to Macedonia knowing that my teeth are the in the best possible shape. But let’s face it, mouth rot is far less important and dangerous than heart rot. You know, that wallowing in the pit - while appearing holy type of stuff . . . when you have the most rotten motives and think the most rotten of others and their motivations . . . when you have no joy, and/or whatever spiritual whispers of life are happening are pure effort on your part? Yes, that kind of rot. It seems that Jesus gave much the same prescription for that kind of rot as does my dentist for dental rot. Ruthlessly cut it out.

waiting in the doctor's office

Here we are . . . doing the most common experience known to Americans . . . waiting in the doctor’s office. Now missionaries are really good at waiting . . . and waiting . . . and waiting. This is not a genetic pre-dispostion or anything like that. No it’s just the simple experience that comes from waiting for everything, and I mean everything.

Now waiting in the doctor’s office in air-conditioned America is far more pleasant and interesting than say . . . waiting in a Russian bank all day . . . or an airport in Russia (or anywhere for that matter) for several days . . . or waiting in a Macedonian police station. OK, maybe it’s not more interesting, but it certainly is more comfortable. Better yet, this particular doctor’s office has unsecured wireless internet access which I am helping myself to, and writing this blog! I am sure I will pay for the priviledge at some point in this process.

But I digress. Waiting for top quality, high-tech, well trained, clean and sanitary medical service is a time honored American tradition. Somehow the waiting makes it seem even more valuable than it actually may be. So yes I am settling Heidi in at college, and yes we are racing around doing that, but we also are addressing the fact that we have not seen dentist, optometrists and physicians for the last two years and need check-ups in all these areas.

It was interesting the see that Heidi did not expect to wait for anything in America. I told her that generally this is true, but in a doctor’s office, all bets are off.

promissory notes

Oh what a topic . . . it seems that we owe someone all our lives. If we don’t owe the bank we owe our parents, if we don’t owe our parents we owe our grandparents, if we don’t owe our grandparents we owe our friends, and so on. And this constant burden of debt to someone is so wearying and discouraging. These “i owe yous” are not even about money most of the time, though they certainly can be.

There are emotional debts, mental debts, social debts, relational debts and generational debts. This is a really complex social phenomena that I am not qualified to speak to professionally, only personally. I enjoy some of the debts that I have at this phase of life (with my parents and such, it is a great honor to repay them), and I do not find them a burden at all. But with all the new debts that Heidi is incurring as she starts college (those mostly financial, but not all) frighten me much and that of course is what prompted this blog today. It brought back all those years of paying back loans and emotional debts to people who helped me through college. I don’t envy her as she starts this phase of life.

This got me started thinking, what about relational debt to God? Oh I know all of the theological points about it and all that jazz, but that is not what I am talking about in this post. What I am talking about primarily are the feelings of relational, emotional and social obligation. We all have those feelings toward our parents and/or children, but what about God. Having grown up in the farming country of the deep south, here our religious expression is one of deep obligation toward God. All that unrepayable debt hanging over our heads in this cosmic relationship . . . honestly, it is the primary motivation for service.

And it is a terrible motivation for service. Horrible, awful, and the saddest form of service motivation. It is unsustainable and unhealthy and just bad theology. I have been trying to get my motivational lines for service corrected for many years, because the only legitimate reason for service is the same one that motivates Him -- love. I want to serve Him because I love Him . . . no other motivation carries any substance.

deja vu

There is deja vu and then there is deja vu! For instance, I am still surprised at how powerful the sights and sounds of our childhood and youth remain in us. I finally slowed down enough on this trip to drive around and see some sights from my childhood and wow the flood of memories that brought back! And then the smells of the ole farm country, especially fresh cut hay, brings back tons of memories of friends, fun and work.

Today we went to Amicalola State Park and Anna Ruby Falls State park. Yes this means I mostly took a day off, so calm your heart. It was a beautiful drive and since it was so hot and humid, the parks were mostly empty except for rattle snakes, cottonmouth snakes, water moccasins etc, etc . . . you get the picture.

The conversation in the car was most interesting. It was my brother and I, and our oldest offsprings. The topic of conversation was churches here in the South. There was some sharp criticism in the car about the way churches are here in the deeeeeep South. The most interesting conclusion was how rare it was for someone to break out and leave this style of Christianity.

But I did, and I don’t know exactly how I did, but at the same time, I still feel the subtle play of that style and theology under my skin. In other words, I am alot more conservative at the core, than one would think after meeting me. What a delicious contradiction :-)